a way that wonât startle him. Iâm within a couple of feet when I pretend to trip, going down on one knee, grabbing at the manâs arm as I fall.
Iâm hyperalert as my hand makes contact, and in a flash I feel overwhelming despair and sadness wash over me. Itâs as if death is already too close. âIâm so sorry!â I say, putting both hands on the sidewalk to steady myself both from the fall and from the strength of his emotions.
âAre you okay?â he asks, looking startled. He reaches down to help me up.
âI think so,â I say. I look into his eyes behind thick black glasses, wondering what happened in his life that brought him to this place. âAre you?â
He tilts his head and releases my arm. Instantly, the emotionsvanish. âSure,â he says, a puzzled expression on his face. âWhy wouldnât I be?â
âI just saw you standing here. And you looked a little sad.â
He shakes his head and gives me a slight smile. âI was just admiring the view,â he says with a shrug, his voice betraying no emotion at all. âNot every day you get to stand on a bridge and look at such a beautiful city.â
I begin to feel unsure of myself. Either heâs a really good liar or he really wasnât planning to jump. âRight. Of course. Itâs just that Iââ
âWhatâs going on, honey?â A thin woman with a camera around her neck walks up and slips her arm through his. She has on a purple knit hat that doesnât look out of place up here, even though itâs June. Iâm startled to see that heâs not alone. Why would he bring her here if he was going to jump?
âNothing,â he says, giving her a kiss on the cheek. âThis young lady tripped, and I was just helping her up.â
I look back at the sidewalk at the imaginary crack that caused my fall. âHe was.â I nod to the man. âThanks. They should really fix that. Someone could get hurt.â
âThatâs terrible,â the woman says with a frown, squinting down at the sidewalk. She smiles up at the man. Itâs obvious she adores him. âIâm glad he could help.â
âAre you sure youâre going to be okay now, miss?â the man asks.
I have no idea what just happened here. He seems so stable now. Did I read him wrong? âIâm sure,â I say, giving him a wide smile that I donât feel. âIâll be fine.â
âGreat,â he says. He pounds his fist twice on the railing andthen turns to walk back toward the San Francisco side, arm in arm with the woman.
Janine squeezes my shoulder as they walk away. âGreat job,â she whispers. âHow did it feel?â
âIt wasnât
great
,â I say, frustration clouding any satisfaction I might have. âI donât think I read him right at all. At first all I could feel was an overwhelming sadness, but then he just acted so normal.â
âMaybe you were right,â Janine said. âAnd maybe by talking to him at the crucial moment, it passed. Sometimes people donât want their problems solved. They just want to be seen.â
I glance back at the couple. âOr maybe heâs just a tourist admiring the view.â
âYou have a nice day,â the woman shouts over her shoulder, giving a little wave. As the sleeve of her jacket falls back, I see a clear plastic bracelet around her too-thin wrist. I look at the hat covering her head and see that thereâs no hair peeking out from the bottom of it. Itâs then that I understandâsheâs the one whoâs dying, not him.
âYou too,â I shout back. Sometimes it sucks to be right.
Three
âWhat time is Griffon picking Owen up at the airport?â Rayne asks as we dodge the crowds on Haight Street.
âAbout an hour ago,â I say, digging around in my bag for my bus pass. Weâve spent the day hanging around