I'll Be Down for You: A Bay Area Saga Read Online Free

had been sucker punched from the pit of my stomach. “Where is my uncle, Eva?” I asked, backing away in the other direction and headed up the stairs to where his bedroom was, but something caused my legs to buckle midway up the stairs and I sunk onto the carpeted staircase.
    Seconds later, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see that it was Eva. Looking past her, I saw the officer from a few minutes ago, and then a second officer appear. I was so out of it, I didn’t know if he had just come into the room or if he’d been there the whole time. When I looked in Eva’s eyes through my glossy ones, something unspoken was there and I started to wail at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t control the emotions that were pouring from me. Uncontrollable sobs riddled with my Uncle’s name were all intertwined.
    Eva stooped next to me in an attempt to console me. “Jazz, come on,”. I could hear her trying to calm me but at that moment, I was beyond inconsolable.
    “ Where is he, Eva?! What happened?!” I demanded.
    I felt her lift me from my seating spot. She was trying to lead me to somewhere that we could talk. The whole thing felt surreal. It felt like I was in a bad dream that I couldn’t wake up from, where I fought hard to avoid the answers to the question I’d asked several times. I was scared of what was on the other side of the response. Although I couldn’t really process my thoughts or my movements, I knew that Eva was led by Eva into the living room. The moment I sat down on the sofa, I swore I could smell my uncle’s cologne all over that room. I snapped my head in all directions looking for him. It had to be some sick joke they were playing and he’d come from one of these rooms any minute, scream out, “ Honey! ” and pull me into one of his bear hugs.
    But it was Eva’s voice that pierced through my fantasy in a saddened whisper when she said, “He’s not here, Jazz…” And even as she spoke those words, I continued to look around for signs of him. I closed my eyes and tried to become one with my thoughts. I was no longer in the present. I was in the past. I was somewhere in my teenage years when I used to spar with my uncle learning how to beat bitches and niggas with swift hand movements. I was in Alameda, running in between cars trying to get away from my him, while he playfully threatened to beat my ass for having stolen his fancy two-way pager so that he wouldn’t leave from visiting me at my foster home. No, I didn’t want to be in the present because in the present, these people were trying to tell me something that I wasn’t ready to hear. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to hear shit if it didn’t have something good on the end.
    I had zoned out, but once again it was Eva that brought me back . . . “He’s gone, Jazz,” she whispered through deep sniffles.
    He’s gone. Is that what she just said? He’s gone.
    I suddenly got a burst of energy from nowhere. “I don’t know what the fuck that means, but I need somebody in this muthafucka to tell me what the deal is! Now! ”
    “Jazz—”
    “ Now! ” I roared. “Stop saying my name and answer me!”
    “Ma’am, we came to let your aunt here know that earlier this evening, your uncle Derrick Jackson was killed in an automobile accident.”
    Killed … killed …that word rang in my head like an echo that wouldn’t stop. Killed . I felt bile creeping from the pit of my soul. My emotions became erratic. I wanted to fight, I wanted to grab the pistol from this muthafucka’s holster and shoot him for being the bearer of that fuckin’ piece of news! I wanted to do a lot, but even in my state, it was the answers that I wanted . . . that I needed . . . more than anything.
    “ Killed !” I roared. “Car accident! How?!”
    “It happened not too far from home; we’re guessing he was on his way home. We have a single witness who says that it appears . . .” he paused for a brief period. “. . . that he was run off of