Glasgow Urban Myths Read Online Free
Author: Ian Black
dried rat and mouse droppings. A post-mortem was conducted to verify the doctors’ suspicions. This is why it is extremely important to always carefully rinse off the tops of any cans of soft drinks or foods.
There is a whole lot more of this nonsense, and it is nonsense. Always a good idea to wash the top of a can, though.
I know a lot of rumours have been going around about planned or possibly planned terrorist attacks. Most of these emails I read and just go on about my day. This, however, sounds serious .
Don’t go to the toilet on October 19th. The CID reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who has a jobbie on the 19th will be bitten on the bum by a big black dog. Reports indicate that organized groups of dogs are planning to rise up into unsuspecting Glaswegians’ toilet bowls and bite them when they are going about their business.
I usually don’t send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is going out with this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this woman whose husband buys smuggled fags from this guy who knows a shoe shop man who sells shoes to a postal worker who has a friend who’s a drug dealer who sells drugs to another man who works for the government. He apparently overheard two men talking in the toilet about big black dogs and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.
So it must be true.
You know how I know it isn’t true? Men don’t talk in toilets.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Unlucky for some
The ultimate myth and hoax email.
The following was forwarded to me and it is absolutely true. Everyone knows that I don’t send out erroneous emails. This completely clears up all the misunderstandings concerning internet hoaxes, conspiracy theories, pranks, schemes etc. Of course, the following information has been confirmed by the CID and/or the government. So next time you are unsure if an email that you have received is true or not, please check with the following to confirm its accuracy. If you feel that any particular hoax or theory has been left out, please email it to me with the details and I will include it in future. Once again, the following is 100% true and well worth the read.
The children’s tattoos laced with LSD that were supposed to be used for satanic ritual abuse at that nursery in Possil were mistakenly eaten by the choking Dobermann who was bitten by the snake that came out of the fur coat that was worn by the escaped homicidal maniac whose hook was found hanging from the door of the car of the teenagers who ran out of a lover’s lane when they heard that he had escaped and then went to the dope party where the girls who were supposed to be babysitting got wasted on dope and were so stoned they accidentally put the baby in the oven because the microwave was ruined by the exploding poodle that the girl with the beehive hairdo that turned out to contain beetles who had got an automatic First at college because her friend had committed suicide had put in to dry after it had got wet chasing the vanishing hitchhiker who had tried to warn the girl that her insides were cooked because she had stayed too long under the sun lamp at the local skin cancer inducer while her dad won a contest at that radio channel that played rock records that contained hidden commands and subliminal messages planted by the Jews, the Muslims, international bankers, the Illuminati, multinational corporations, and the spooks at Hanger 18 of Area 51 in Dreamland who performed the autopsies on the aliens who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico while on a mission to abduct people and conduct weird sexual and reproductive experiments on them because they knew we use only ten percent of our brains and that engineers had “proved” that bumblebees can’t fly and that sugar wakes you up even if you’re an MI5 agent who has recovered memories about conspiring with criminals and anti-New Labour
There is a whole lot more of this nonsense, and it is nonsense. Always a good idea to wash the top of a can, though.
I know a lot of rumours have been going around about planned or possibly planned terrorist attacks. Most of these emails I read and just go on about my day. This, however, sounds serious .
Don’t go to the toilet on October 19th. The CID reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who has a jobbie on the 19th will be bitten on the bum by a big black dog. Reports indicate that organized groups of dogs are planning to rise up into unsuspecting Glaswegians’ toilet bowls and bite them when they are going about their business.
I usually don’t send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is going out with this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this woman whose husband buys smuggled fags from this guy who knows a shoe shop man who sells shoes to a postal worker who has a friend who’s a drug dealer who sells drugs to another man who works for the government. He apparently overheard two men talking in the toilet about big black dogs and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.
So it must be true.
You know how I know it isn’t true? Men don’t talk in toilets.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Unlucky for some
The ultimate myth and hoax email.
The following was forwarded to me and it is absolutely true. Everyone knows that I don’t send out erroneous emails. This completely clears up all the misunderstandings concerning internet hoaxes, conspiracy theories, pranks, schemes etc. Of course, the following information has been confirmed by the CID and/or the government. So next time you are unsure if an email that you have received is true or not, please check with the following to confirm its accuracy. If you feel that any particular hoax or theory has been left out, please email it to me with the details and I will include it in future. Once again, the following is 100% true and well worth the read.
The children’s tattoos laced with LSD that were supposed to be used for satanic ritual abuse at that nursery in Possil were mistakenly eaten by the choking Dobermann who was bitten by the snake that came out of the fur coat that was worn by the escaped homicidal maniac whose hook was found hanging from the door of the car of the teenagers who ran out of a lover’s lane when they heard that he had escaped and then went to the dope party where the girls who were supposed to be babysitting got wasted on dope and were so stoned they accidentally put the baby in the oven because the microwave was ruined by the exploding poodle that the girl with the beehive hairdo that turned out to contain beetles who had got an automatic First at college because her friend had committed suicide had put in to dry after it had got wet chasing the vanishing hitchhiker who had tried to warn the girl that her insides were cooked because she had stayed too long under the sun lamp at the local skin cancer inducer while her dad won a contest at that radio channel that played rock records that contained hidden commands and subliminal messages planted by the Jews, the Muslims, international bankers, the Illuminati, multinational corporations, and the spooks at Hanger 18 of Area 51 in Dreamland who performed the autopsies on the aliens who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico while on a mission to abduct people and conduct weird sexual and reproductive experiments on them because they knew we use only ten percent of our brains and that engineers had “proved” that bumblebees can’t fly and that sugar wakes you up even if you’re an MI5 agent who has recovered memories about conspiring with criminals and anti-New Labour
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