Gasping - the Play Read Online Free Page A

stylish.
     
    KIRSTEN: Disappointing in bed, surprisingly.
     
    PHILIP: Hmm, yes, well anyway ... Sandy, I
believe you’ve accessed Kirsty on the relevant base-line information and she’s
Suck and Blow compatible.
     
    KIRSTEN (gathering her visual aids
together): Sandy’s good Phil, very good.
     
    PHILIP: Believe me he’s being groomed. Now
then Kirsty I’m not going to pussyfoot around here, I  respect you too much and
know you have no time for feet in your pussy so tell me, how do you feel about
Suck and Blow?
     
    KIRSTEN: Suck and Blow is the most exciting product I’ve encountered
since the Pot Noodle.
     
    PHILIP: Did you hear that Sandy? Rendezvous with destiny or what!
This lady worked on the Pot Noodle!
     
    KIRSTEN: My first job ... ‘Put on the kettle, Gretel.’
     
    SANDY: ‘Fill my pot, Dot.’
     
    KIRSTEN (touched): You remember it.
     
    PHILIP: I feel very good about this
project, let’s have lunch!
     
    SANDY: Uhm, perhaps we should ask Kirsten if
she’s had any time to come up with some ideas yet?
     
    PHILIP: Oh come on Sandy! You’ve only just
accessed here.
     
    KIRSTEN: I like to work fast Phil, I toyed
for a while with ‘share my air, Claire’ but I think it’s time to go radical ...
Let me run this by-line past you ... ‘Other people’s air, it’ll get right up
your nose.
     
    (Short pause,
they are thrilled.)
     
    SANDY: It’s ... brilliant! quite brilliant! PHILIP:
There’s a rare and savage beauty to your copy Kirsty.
     
    KIRSTEN (briskly assembling story boards,
presentation portfolios etc): I’d want to use the
fellow who does the Creamy Churn Dairy Spread voice-overs, he turned round
their whole campaign with that quiet, sinister way he has ...
     
    (Hits a
button, we hear a tape   )
     
    TAPE: ‘Half the
calories of butter or margarine, but all the buttery taste ...
     
    PHILIP (excited): I buy the damn stuff myself! ... (correcting himself) I mean
it always seems to be in the fridge ... I’ve got this absolute treasure, I’d
probably look totally Biafran without her.
     
    KIRSTEN (hands over designer folder): You’ll find the text on blue ... We saturate local radio for a fortnight,
classic rock and current affairs stations only of course — not a lot of point
pitching to some twelve-year-old heavy metal fan whose testicles are still
somewhere in the region of his armpits.
     
    PHILIP: With you on that. What about the
Telly?
     
    KIRSTEN: I’ve been thinking hard about
television ... Let’s try a little word association game Philip, just for the
fun of it, throw me back your instant reactions OK ... Class.
     
    PHILIP (instant list): Bogart, Chivas Regal, Sergeant Pepper, Harley Davidson, Johann
Amadeus Bach, mist on a moonlit lake, friendship.
     
    KIRSTEN: You missed something out Philip.
     
    PHILIP: I did?
     
    KIRSTEN: Sandy?
     
    SANDY: Suck and Blow?
     
    KIRSTEN: Exactly.
     
    PHILIP (short pause, slightly miffed): Hmm, yes well, I rather thought that went without saying.
     
    KIRSTEN: Nothing goes without saying in
advertising Philip, think of Coca Cola. We all know it adds life and is
the real thing, we don’t need reminding that it unites the world, and you can’t
beat the feeling ...
     
    SANDY: It really is an incredibly now
beverage.
     
    KIRSTEN: Exactly, but if their agency had
made the mistake of imagining those things went without saying, we’d be still
under the illusion that Coke was just a sweet, sticky drink that can completely
dissolve a tooth inside twenty-two hours.
     
    PHILIP: I hope you’re listening to all this
Sandy. Because you’re interjecting on a grade ‘A’ marketing seminar.
     
    KIRSTEN: OK let’s move onto the actual TV
time slots. I’m thinking of a sophisticated restaurant scenario here, we’re
talking real ...
     
    PHILIP: Class?
     
    KIRSTEN: Exactly.
     
    PHILIP: Wine glasses the size of buckets ... (Plenty of movement, they act it out.)
     
    KIRSTEN: Only three items on the menu ...
     
    PHILIP: Portions so