Floods 8 Read Online Free

we did,’ said Auntie Mould. ‘We didn’t want to end up with wrinkles in our necks from all that stretching. I had a special Looking Up Maid and a Looking Down Maid. Doesn’t everyone?’
    When Mordonna tried to explain that things weren’t like that any more, the mad old lady couldn’t believe it.
    â€˜But you’d keep stepping in puddles,’ she said. ‘No, what I mean is that nowadays everyone does their own looking up and down,’ said Mordonna.
    â€˜Oh, don’t be silly, dear,’ said Auntie Mould. ‘What would all those little peasants do all day if they didn’t have important jobs like looking up and down. You’ll be telling me there are no more Looking Round Corners Maids next.’
    â€˜There aren’t.’
    â€˜Well, I suppose when we take over the castle again we can put all that right and I can always get my Checking The Back Of My Neck Maid to do all the other looking for me.’
    â€˜Auntie?’ said Betty. ‘What did you actually look at for yourself?’
    â€˜My reflection, of course,’ said the old lady, ‘but not until my Still Gorgeous Maid had checked that I was still gorgeous.’
    â€˜Right. Now we’ll just leave the servant problems until later,’ said Mordonna. ‘We’ve got things to do.’
    It was decided that Betty would go down into the castle first. She would go into the kitchens, pretend she was a kitchen maid and see how everyone felt about the King and his dreadful new wife, Countess Slab. At the same time Satanella and Brastof would go down into the town pretending to be normal dogs, and sound out things there.
    â€˜Can we sniff lampposts?’ said Satanella.
    â€˜You can indeed, my darling,’ said Mordonna.‘And trees too. After all, they are like doggy newspapers.’
    â€˜What about me?’ Merlinmary asked. ‘I want to go.’
    â€˜I’ll tell you what,’ said Winchflat. ‘Take this walkie-talkie and go down to the power station and if there’s a problem I’ll call you and you can make all the lights go out.’
    â€˜Nice idea,’ said the Queen. ‘Just one flaw.’
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜The only place in the whole of Transylvania Waters with electricity is the castle and then only in the King’s bedroom because he is afraid of the dark and is terrified a puff of wind might blow out the candles. Fifteen kidnapped Belgian geography teachers are imprisoned in one of the deepest cellars where they pedal fifteen bicycles night and day to generate the electricity to power the castle’s three pathetic light bulbs. For everyone else it’s candles and oil lamps,’ the Queen explained. ‘And you don’t want to know where the wax comes from or what they boil to get the oil.’
    â€˜Yuk,’ said Betty.
    â€˜Everything has its upside,’ said the Queen. ‘No one ever has blocked-up ears.’
    â€˜And the oil?’
    â€˜Don’t let your cat outside after dark.’
    â€˜Cool,’ said Satanella. ‘Cat Oil Lamps. I like that idea.’
    â€˜Well, Cat Oil does burn really brightly, but the smell takes some getting used to,’ said the Queen.
    While the family had been in the attic with Auntie Mould, Parsnip the crow had been flying around the town looking for his old friends and relations, and old they were. The few who hadn’t died were now very, very old and infirm. Parsnip had been kept fit and healthy by Mordonna casting Keep Fit And Healthy spells over him and Winchflat had plugged him into his Old Bird Rejuvenator at least once a year. The result was that the old bird who should have been a crumbling wreck by now was almost as young as the day he had fled with his master, Vessel, and the Queen all those years ago.
    â€˜All family has crumbly to bits,’ he said when he got back. ‘Favourite girlfriend not so favourite actually, all bald and