Dreaming of Jizzy Read Online Free

number of personal projects. Staring at Barbara's smiling face outside his door, instead of being rude and saying what was really on his mind though, like always, Rick pasted a fake smile on his uninspired face and then pleasantly answered his neighbor.
     
    “No, what's going on, Barbara?”
     
    “Oh, you watching... the game ?!” Barbara excitedly asked, trying to peek her head inside his condo.
     
    “Yes, I am. Is, uh, there a problem?” Rick asked, standing his ground in his doorway and definitely not taking the bait to invite her in.
     
    “Oh, no! No problem at all! I just wanted to stop by and remind you of the home-owners meeting tonight in about an hour in the common room downstairs. We're going to be voting on that fountain by the mailboxes and whether or not to paint it blue, which I personally think would be a lovely color for it, or that hideous gray color. Why paint it at all, if we are going to paint it gray, right? Might as well just leave it the way it is, you know what I mean?”
     
    Sighing, Rick ran his hand over his mouth and inwardly restrained himself. Here he goes to work every single day and manages millions of dollars of his clients' assets at work, and he gets to come home to this bullshit. Life must be so glorious when all you have to fucking worry about all day is what color to paint a fucking fountain.
     
    “You know... I think I'm going to miss this one. I think you guys should have enough votes on the blue color though,” Rick encouraged, nodding his head.
     
    “Oh, I hope so! I really hope so. I mean, it would ruin all our property value if they painted that beautiful fountain gray. Have you actually seen the color? It isn't like it is a natural stone color or anything, it is like a dark, smokey gray. I mean, some potential buyers might actually think that there was some kind of fire here and this place isn't safe. Heaven forbid!...”
     
    “I hear you...” Rick calmly replied, but Barbara interrupted him, steamrolled him, and just kept on talking.
     
    “... Plus, you know that asshole, excuse my language, that asshole, Frank, has been going around door-to-door lobbying for that horrible gray color. Can you believe that?! Oh! Oh! And I didn't tell you!? Frank also wants to propose a measure to increase our dues, as if we don't pay enough already!? I mean, I know you have a swanky job and everything at that investment company and can afford a fee increase, but some of us here are living on a fixed income! How on Earth am I...”
     
    Blinking his eyes several times in complete bewilderment, Rick realized he needed to launch an escape pod and get the hell out of this situation yesterday before Barbara erected a fucking lean-to and decided to camp out on his doorstep for the next hour. Feeling suddenly desperate, the next second Rick squeezed his abdomen, and he forced out what he hoped would be a little firecracker of a fart, just a little popper, a little warning shot across her bow. While he gave his gut a nice little internal pinch, the fart was actually much louder than he intended and even had a secondary, drawn out percussion following the initial weighty blast. Not only did his trumpet-like flatulence cause Barbara to pause and just stare at him in shock, as if he had just pulled a gun on her, but her little white foo foo dog started trembling and barking because it felt immediately threatened by the loud noises.
     
    “Oh, excuse me... don't know where that came from?! You know, Barbara, I just got home. I really need to use the, uh, restroom. You'll have to excuse me. I'll talk to you some other time,” Rick quickly relayed, appearing modest but really wanting to laugh his ass off, especially at the dog's frightened response.
     
    “Oh, all right. Well, if you have nothing else going on later at eight, come down to the common room. We could use your vote,” Barbara quickly rattled off, petting her fluffy dog, who continued to bark sporadically at him.
     
    Smiling