Doubting Our Hearts Read Online Free

of making them go out of their minds wondering where I could be. After the initial shock wore off of where I actually was, they bombarded me with their questions of why I came here, what was I going to do, and my favorite and still unanswered one, what compelled me to choose New York?
    After I left Nora a note, I gathered everything that meant anything to me and left the rest. I wasn't thinking just jump on a plane and fly to the one city where you know he'll be . However, all I was sure of was I needed to get as far away from Tampa as fast as I could, and I couldn't shake the feeling of the comfort and solace Brayden gave me with our few short weeks hanging out as friends. So, I made the one decision that changed my life. I moved to New York.
    The first few weeks were the hardest. Not only being a new girl in a big unchartered city, I was also alone. More alone than I have ever felt in my entire twenty-five years on this planet.
    My fourth day in New York, I found a one bedroom apartment I could rent right next to Bryant Park. It's just over 600 square feet, but it's comparable in price to what I was paying in Tampa. It has sleek modern furnishings and oak hardwoods throughout the living space. The kitchen is white with stainless steel appliances, which is open to the living room and a gorgeous view of the park.
    After I signed the lease on my apartment, I spent the next two days locked within its walls. I shut my phone and laptop off not wanting to be disturbed by the shrill sounds of its ringing or the ding alert of a new email. These were the two days I allowed myself to wallow in tears, memories, bonds that were broken, and a future that would never be.
    I managed to get out to a store and buy some wine and beer. So my first full weekend in Manhattan I got completely and utterly wasted. I did turn my laptop back on so I could play some music, and I danced to rock songs in my drunken state with my air guitar swinging around my body. Each and every time I tripped and fell that air guitar was right there with me. There was only one song that caused me to start crying, and even in my inebriated haze, it made the images float back into my mind. If I ever hear Lips of an Angel again it will be all too soon.
    After my drunken stupor weekend, I got my portfolio prepared to show some magazines and a few advertising firms. I'm not anywhere as famous as Ansel Adams, Robert Capa, Anne Leibovitz, or Jay Maisel; however, I am proud to admit I am a descent photographer. My first week in the big city I scored an apartment, and my second week I landed a freelance photography position with GQ magazine. I mean what better way to get over my recent catastrophe than to take pictures of gorgeous men? I mean it's wasn't like I landed the coveted position of doing the cover or anything, but still I was excited my pictures were going to be in GQ.
    My enthusiasm about my new job and the prospect of taking professional pictures of celebrities lead me a few blocks from my apartment to Carmine's Italian Restaurant to celebrate with a drink. This is where I met Riley.
    "Hey, honey. What can I get you to drink?"
    "How about a Moscato and the dessert menu?" I say pleasantly with a smile.
    "Coming right up."
    After she hands me the menu, it's a toss-up between the strawberry shortcake and the tiramisu. "So, which would you suggest?" I ask as I proceed to tell her where my dilemma lies.
    "Well, the tiramisu is one of most requested desserts close to the titanic, but the strawberry shortcake is to die for." She eyes me curiously before leaning over the bar toward me. "Tell me what's on your mind and I'll tell you the better choice for your situation."
    I figure why not tell a perfect stranger the brief Cliff Notes to my current situation. No one knows me here anyway. I stick out my hand toward her. "I'm Lillian. It's nice to meet you."
    She shakes my hand quickly replying, "It's Riley. Nice to meet you too, Lillian."
    "So, two weeks ago my ex best friend