Dead is the New Black Read Online Free Page A

or
something; could that give me a clue to his origins, if not his
year of birth?
    Does he have superhuman strength? Can he
morph into a bat or some other menacing creature? Does he sleep in
a coffin filled with the soil of his homeland? Did he need a supply
of fresh blood to sustain his existence?
    Was he immortal?
    I wanted to ask him so many things, but he
was the interviewer and I the interviewee. It wasn’t my place to
quiz him—but I have an inquiring—not to mention nervous mind—and I
wanted to know.
    Swallowing, I said, “Can I ask you some
personal questions? It might help me better understand—”
    “Perhaps another time,” he interrupted.
“Today is a bit of a rush.”
    He was putting me off, and we both knew it.
Then, tenting his fingers in front of chin, he said, “I will say
only that your impressions are incorrect. Vampires do not have
special powers, nor do we enslave victims, resurrecting them from
the dead as newly minted Vampires. These misperceptions are not
your fault. They are unfair stereotypes perpetuated by tawdry
novels and fantastical films. It’s those myths this docudrama is
intended to dispel.”
    Oh, right. The Hollywood houseguests he’d
mentioned.
    “Okay,” I replied, wanting to believe him,
yet the images from those old movies were difficult to dispel.
    “In fact,” he said, “I only agreed to let
Foremost Films use my home in the hopes that their docudrama might
further our cause.”
    “Your cause .”
    He shrugged in such a way that showed his
frustration. “For many years, Vampires have tried without success
to end people’s fear of us. To make it clear we are not the
bloodsucking monsters portrayed in books and movies, and therefore
are not a threat to anyone. When Robert Renfield, the director,
approached me and asked me to relate my own personal struggle, I
agreed. He thought using Moonrise Manor would make the perfect
location for such a film, which is why I need to find a replacement
before Leech departs.”
    “May I ask,” I ventured, “why Leech is
dep…uh, leaving?”
    He seemed to cast about for the right words.
Then, “It’s a bit complicated, so just let me say that every few
years, she must return to her place of her birth for a period of
time in order to perform certain rituals necessary to her continued
longevity.”
    I was confused. “Do all Vampires have to do
that?”
    “Leech isn’t a Vampire.” He flashed those
pearly whites again. “Vampires are in a class by ourselves.”
    I’ll say.
    Still a bit confused, I asked, “Well, if
she’s not a Vampire, what is she?”
    “Generally known as zombies, they include
gnomes, demons, succubae, ghouls, bloodsucking parasites.
Supernatural entities who are dead, yet behave as if alive.”
    “So Leech’s birthplace is Transylvania?”
    “No. Washington, D.C.”
    Ah.
    He relaxed back into his chair. “Did the
agency tell you the job is a live-in position?”
    I pressed my lips together and nodded.
    “Room and board are supplied in addition to a
monthly salary. Your evenings and weekends are free, unless there’s
a function that requires your presence. Those such events are
pretty rare, though.”
    “I see.” I did see, but I still had one big
question that needed answering. “The agency assured me,” I began
cautiously, “and you have re assured me
that I am in no danger, however, I’m sure you can understand my
trepidation. Vampires have a really, really, really bad reputation.”
    A flash of irritation crossed his features.
“Let me just say that, while Vampires—upper case V—have existed for
many thousands of years, the traits attributed to us such as you
described them came directly from Bram Stoker’s imagination, and
are a complete fabrication. It was, and continues to be, fanciful
fiction, nothing more.”
    “But there is such a place as
Transylvania.”
    “True. But Stoker, or Bramble as we used to
call him, never actually went there.”
    Christie, Theramin, and Stoker?