Dead is the New Black Read Online Free

Agatha’s contemporary? If so, that would
make him well over a hundred years old—yet he didn’t appear to be a
day over forty, and a young forty at that.
    Before I could question him about it, he
added, “Even fictional characters deserve, especially beloved ones,
to end up happily, don’t you think?”
    “It’s a matter of art imitating life,” I
murmured. “Real life people often end up, um, alone. Miss Marple
and Debby Destiny are more focused on crime solving. It’s how they obtain emotional fulfilment.”
    I left it at that. To continue would open
more wounds than I was prepared to expose at the moment.
    He straightened. E
    “Do any of Debby’s adventures include
Vampires?”
    Like, as if.
    Rather than answer, I shook my head.
    “Public opinion is still quite harsh
regarding my people. I need to know how you, as a potential member
of my staff, stand on the issue. Tell me honestly,” he said softly.
“How do you feel about Vampires? Love us,
hate us, get us, fear us?”
    Leaning forward, his attention was fully on
me.
    His eyes held a challenge.
    He was testing me.
    Would I pass and be hired?
    Or would I fail and risk not only losing the
job, but my life as well?

Chapter 3
    I considered
his question and how conflicted I was about Vampires.
    Fact: They existed.
    Fact: They were integrated into society.
    Fact: They sucked the life out of humans, or
at least, used to.
    Fact: That’s all I really knew about
them.
    “Okay,” I began. “Here’s what I think. A
vampire is a regular person who’s bitten by a vampire. Once you’re
bitten, you become immortal and are referred to as the undead, but
since you’re technically dead, you can’t be rekilled in the usual
way.”
    I raised a brow and looked at him for
verification. He gave none, but simply said, “Please go on.”
    I blew out a breath. “Yeah, so, vampires are
immortal as long as they have a constant supply of fresh blood,
therefore they’re always searching for mammalian sources, which can
be either people or animals—wolves seem to be a popular choice.
Vampires can only come out at night because sunlight makes them
shrivel up into prunes. Victims are helpless against their physical
and mental powers, but a person can hold a vampire at bay by using
the sign of the cross—either a little one dangling on a necklace,
or two crossed candlesticks. Ice cream sticks would probably work,
too, though I’d be nervous trying that one.”
    Across from me, Professor Van Graf’s face
remained interested, but unreadable.
    “Garlic,” I hurried on, “seems to keep them
at arm’s length, as it does most of the men I’ve dated. They sleep
in coffins that contain dirt from their homeland—uh, vampires, not
the men I’ve dated.” I shrugged. “Mostly.”
    “Anything else?” he said, his eyes curiously
bright.
    I tilted my head and let my gaze wander to
the window. “Hmm, yes, a couple of other things,” I mused. “They
can turn into bats in order to fly through large, screenless
bedroom windows carelessly left open, while nubile young women in
flimsy nightwear lay sleeping with their necks and, more
importantly, their cleavage exposed. Vampires are either Nosferatu
ugly or Hugh Jackman hot, depending on whether the heroine is
supposed to be repulsed by the vampire or have monkey sex with
him.”
    “Interesting,” was his only response. “I can
see you’ve given this a great deal of thought.”
    I snickered. “Not really. Everything I know
about vampires I learned from old movies.”
    He slid me a sidelong look. “The classics,
such as those that used theremin music.”
    I just about popped out of my chair. “You
know what that is?”
    He chuckled, adjusted his glasses. “When
you’ve been around as long as I have, there isn’t much that gets
by. Besides, Léon was a
friend of mine.”
    Wow. He’d known Christie and Theramin? Dr. Jon Van Graf really got around.
    Where was he from? When was he from? Van Graf sounded German or Dutch