Darkness Looking Back, The Read Online Free

and ask if he got off early.'
    'You're so smart, aren't you? Have you even been to Hamilton?'
    'Yes. As a matter of fact I have.' Paxton met her stare for stare. 'Believe it or not, I don't try to be an expert on things I know nothing about.'
    'James . . .' Lena was shifting unhappily beside him.
    Mandy kept her mouth shut, but Paxton could feel the effort it cost her.
    He was tempted to ram it down her smug little throat, what it was really like to be him. How it really felt to hear the voices of the dead and feel wretched for every damn person who just wouldn't listen. The ones who wouldn't change, even though it would mean their own deaths, sooner or later. The ones who couldn't accept the truth about what had happened, pursuing some endless vendetta or beating themselves into the ground. Did you leave it all hanging over your own head or did you just walk away? And if you walked away, would it still follow you? The answer, Paxton knew, was always .
    'It reminds me of Der Proceß , in a way. You've got absolutely no idea why any of this is happening . . . Eh, James?'
    'Eh?' Too late Paxton spooled back through his memory and realised they had moved on to books.
    'Have you heard of Kafka, James?' Mandy asked him.
    Paxton just stared at her.
    Lena gave an incredulous laugh. 'Of course he has! He's actually a lot better read than me!'
    It was Mandy's turn to look incredulous. For Paxton it was the last straw. He smacked his knee, idiot excitement lighting up his face like a torch.
    'Oooh! Guess what, Lena? They're starting me on the wine labels at work now!' He turned a beam of sub-normal glee on Mandy. ' I'm learning foreign languages!'
    It didn't get a reply. Mandy rolled her eyes, and Lena's own were turned up towards him, pleading.
    Paxton leaned forward and kissed her, then stood. 'I'm going home.' He gently cut off Lena's protest. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'
    He didn't even look at Mandy as he collected his keys from the table beside her. He slammed the door as he got into his car. 'Fucking robobitch .'
    He stared at Lena's front door, seething with resentment. The
    last thing he felt like doing was going home for a sleep. The air was like
    hot caramel. He stuck the key in the ignition and snapped on his seatbelt,
    still boiling. Then, just as he had his hand on the gear stick, inspiration
    hit. He cracked open the door again, making the overhead light come on. The
    slight breeze that furled in was welcome. He got the street directory and
    flipped through a few pages, until he found Epsom.

3
    YOU COULDN'T, APPARENTLY, see death from the street. The address Stirling had given him looked like any other house on this road, except that no light escaped from behind the curtains. As he pulled in, Paxton was over-aware of the lights in other porches and windows, his mind calling up a neighbourhood of disapproving eyes. He got out of the car, walking slowly up to the foot of the drive. Aside from an Audi parked on the cobbles, there were no signs that anyone had ever lived here, let alone died. Paxton felt rather foolish. There was nothing to be gained from loitering, waiting to feel something that wasn't there. He didn't know what the hell he was doing here. He knew better than to suppose he would magically tune in to all the answers, but something in him wouldn't roll over. He'd come this far; he might as well make the best of it. He started cautiously up the drive.
    A flash of lights got his back as a car slowed behind him.
    The guilt and self-consciousness ratcheted straight back up. He turned to
    see a sporty Peugeot hatchback pull into the drive opposite. The garage door
    went up automatically as someone tripped the remote inside the car. After
    a pause, however, the Peugeot backed out again, and a young woman got out.
    She went into the garage and moments later an almost brand-new BMW reversed
    out. The Peugeot then drove into the garage, followed by the Beemer. Paxton
    watched in idle fascination as two women