Clearwater Romance Read Online Free

out beside her. Uninterested in reading, she set aside her earlier book. The television was out, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
    What happened to cause him so much pain? Who was James and what happened to him? The questions nagged at her. She set the tea aside, and scooted down on the couch. Resting her head on one of the throw pillow, she tried to think of a way to help him.
    A gentle knock woke her. Rubbing her eyes the bedside clock came into view. Three. It’s going to be a long night.
    She slipped the afghan around her shoulders to ward off the chill creeping up her back and padded towards the door. Exhaustion burned in her eyes, stealing herself, she hoped he wasn’t back to his surly attitude again.  He was hardly her first unpleasant guest, but she always did her best. For some reason, Jordan got under her skin.
    He stood in the hallway with his hands tucked into the pockets of the lounge pants. A black t-shirt pulled tight over his muscles. Shadows darkened his eyes. He was hurt and the need to help him tugged her past her impatience.
    Goldie barked a warning.
    “Shh, girl. It’s okay.” The dog quieted, but didn’t leave her guarding position.
    “I came down for a drink and saw your light still on. I wanted to apologize for what happened. I didn’t mean to attack you.”
    “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have gotten close to you to wake you, but I didn’t know what else to do. You were crying out for James.”
    “I shouldn’t have stayed here.” He ran his hand over the stubble on his face.
    “You didn’t have much choice. Your car broke down. There isn’t another hotel in miles. What were you going to do, stay out in the blizzard?”
    The weight of his gaze gave her an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “It’s better than risking someone’s life—your life. I’m unsafe for people to be around.”
    “I’m sorry.” It didn’t seem like enough, but there was nothing else she could say. “Have you sought help?”
    “Yes, I went to a shrink, but it didn’t help. They discharged me because of it. They train you for years to fight, to kill. But when it’s your best friend, a guy who’s like a brother to you, the guy who went through boot camp and all the training with you, they tell you to forget about it. You can’t forget it, and go on like nothing happened. I was there, I should have done something more.” His anger turned into pity and remorse.
    “Jordan, if there was something you could have done, I am sure you did it. I know this isn’t going to help, but maybe it was his time.”
    “His time?” Anger surged through his voice. “His time? How can you say that? He had a wife and a baby on the way. One he never saw born. It wasn’t his time.”
    “You can’t blame yourself.”
    “Oh yes, I can. It should have been me.” He whispered. “I was supposed to be on that watch, but he switched with me because I was sick. He took my shift…he died in my place.”
    There were no words that could make this better for him. He had to find the forgiveness in himself. She could tell him over and over it wasn’t his fault, but until he came to accept the facts, nothing she said would ease his guilt.
    She wrapped an arm around him. “Come on, I think you could use a drink.”
    * * *
    She handed him a beer. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything stronger.”
    “It’s fine.” He said, keeping his gaze on the fireplace.
    “Why did you come to Clearwater?”
    “I didn’t intend to stop here. I was passing through to Idaho. That’s where James’ wife lives. I promised him I would stop in and see her and the baby once I made it back to the States. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. I’m sure she blames me. But a promise is a promise, and I plan to keep it.”
    “I’m sure she doesn’t blame you, and you need to stop blaming yourself.”
    “There’s no one else to blame.” He sat his bottle on the coffee table.
    “What about the people who killed him?