Chasing Innocence Read Online Free Page A

focus of surrounding tables.
    Sarah shook her head. ‘Give me an hour or so.’ She checked her watch and pulled on her coat. ‘I’ll meet you outside the alley at four thirty.’
    He looked blank, so she elaborated. ‘The alley next to the car park, Adam, beside Boots!’
    ‘OK. Sarah?’
    She did not answer, lifting her bag as she left, the door slowly closing behind her.
     
    Sarah turned left outside the restaurant, heading across the square with no particular purpose or destination in mind. Just walking, hoping momentum would ward off her thoughts. She threaded between the stream of shoppers, went past the church and over the bridge, drifted along the High Street before stopping and turning back to the bridge. She climbed down the steep steps to the towpath, passing bars that backed on to the canal and a chorus of leering cheers. She entered the park, which was almost empty, only a man and a young boy untangling a kite and a mother with a monster pram heading at speed towards the town.
    Sarah flopped down on a bench facing the canal, losing her thoughts in the water and the overcast sky reflected in its ceaseless movement. A few swans showed interest before realising a lost cause.
    She was tired, exhausted from combating this gnawing torment at every turn. The fear and anger was always coiled inside, waiting to be set free. Why did Adam have to push now? Just as she was relaxing into this new life. She and Adam were good together. The men in her previous relationships had quickly grown frustrated by the need she created in them that she could not satisfy. Adam struggled, she knew that, but his nature was too caring and gentle to pressure her. He was the constant and reliable presence in her life that she gravitated around. Except the same qualities she cherished the most were now leading him towards wanting a family. The thought of a child petrified her, the fear that her child might suffer even a small part of what she had been through. She could never live with herself. She would never let it happen.
    Intermittently she checked her watch, letting her anger and resentment flow into the chill air, slowly taking back control. Eventually she stood and walked back across the park.
    In the High Street she shaded her eyes and peered through the shop window, squinting through reflections and the books on display. She could not see Adam inside, so she wandered towards Boots and stationed herself opposite the alley, the street lights and failing daylight casting it deep in shadow, the autumn day now turning towards the night ahead. Children were everywhere, all in restless vivid colours, sometimes without chaperone in small groups.
    She watched an old woman approach Boots and pull open the door, holding it open and smiling at someone inside. A young girl emerged, smiling back as she stepped onto the street. The girl looked around hopefully, as if she was expecting someone to be there.
    Sarah’s breath caught and she took an unconscious step forward. The girl was about ten, pretty, with mousey hair falling to her shoulders. She was wearing a short jacket and jeans, a pink T-shirt and weary Emu boots that drooped back almost to the floor. Sarah blinked; she was a child who stood out in a street of children, small and fragile although her poise carried something more, of the woman she might one day be, as if she already knew some of this life’s burden. Sarah’s heart beat erratically. It was like watching video of herself from a life before.
    The girl opened a blue bag and dropped a small white bag inside it. Then she waited, her eyes searching the crowd, realising she was being watched. She looked across the street through the people. Their eyes met and they exchanged uncertain smiles. Then the girl’s attention shifted back to her search, shrugging and casually wandering into the mouth of the alley, out of the way, partly consumed by shadows as she knelt and attended to her boots.
    Sarah restrained a powerful urge to go