Chasing Innocence Read Online Free

made them do that?’
    ‘They hadn’t given me a rise for three years.’
    ‘I know, but from nothing to that, after so long. There must have been a reason?’ She studied his face, expectant.
    There was a reason, of course, which was the detail he was worried about. He had thought about lying, but he considered lying to Sarah to be on par with taking money from children.
    So he breathed in and told her. ‘I resigned.’
    ‘You did what!’
    Heads turned in their direction. He lowered his voice, attempting to compensate for the rise in hers. ‘I resigned; but it’s cool. I knew they would come back.’
    ‘But…our flat.’ Scarlet crept up her neck for a second time that day as she tried to hold on to the moment. ‘What if they hadn’t come back, Adam?’
    ‘But they did, Sarah. It’s not like I’m unemployable if they hadn’t.’
    ‘You risked everything without saying anything to me?’
    ‘Sarah, I didn’t risk anything. I knew they would offer me a rise, they as much as told me so and I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you might be happy.’
    ‘I am, it’s just, well, Adam!’ She looked away, then realised the obvious. ‘So this is why the interest in estate agents?’
    ‘Well kind of, I’m not trying to pressure you…’ He reached forward and drank some of his beer, making sure he got the next bit right. ‘It just seemed this was as good a time as any. We could check what’s out there, no rush or anything.’
    Sarah stared at him thoughtfully. ‘You’re throwing me off centre, Adam. I’m perfectly happy where we are. We finally get ourselves settled after all that mess and you want to change everything. We don’t have to spend the money, we could save more.’
    All that mess! He thought to himself, he knew she meant more the aftermath.
    ‘There’s a little more, kind of,’ he said.
    ‘There is?’
    ‘They also offered me an extra day working from home.’
    Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘What is your fascination with not going to work, you should go out and meet people, you know.’
    ‘I meet plenty of people, Sarah.’ Frustration was eroding his reserve. ‘If I only have to commute twice a week that’s good with me. Besides, one day we might be grateful one of us can be home during the week.’ As soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could have pulled them right back.
    Sarah went very still. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
    Having placed himself on the precipice it was now crumbling. ‘Well, you know, if we ever…’
    ‘Started a family. That’s what you’re going to say, isn’t it?’ Suddenly she had difficulty knowing where to put her hands. ‘You know I won’t, Adam, I can’t, not a child. Not into this world.’ She gestured as if the evidence surrounded her. ‘I just can’t. Why would we want to change what we have now, after everything? You said you were indifferent about kids.’ Her last comment was loaded with hurt, as if he had lied about the one thing she valued above all.
    It had been a hard day skipping around his wife’s frailties. ‘I was indifferent then, Sarah, but that was five years ago.’
    ‘There is no way I’m bringing a child into this world. Not me, Adam.’ She scraped back her chair and stood, her arms hanging awkwardly at her side. Her mouth opened as if she were about to say something else, but she stopped herself. Instead she grabbed her bag and turned to the toilets.

FIVE
     
    Adam spent most of the following minutes wondering how the conversation had gone so bad. He watched Sarah walk back to their table, her movements now devoid of their usual poise and fluidity. She rested her hands on the back of her chair.
    ‘Look, I’m going to go and cool off.’
    ‘Sarah, sit down, I’m sorry.’
    ‘No Adam, you’re fine, we both know who’s the fuck-up in this relationship.’ Her voice was raw and full of emotion.
    ‘That’s nonsense. Sit down, please!’ He tried keeping his voice quiet but they were increasingly the