Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Not Growing Up Read Online Free Page A

party’s a little lame,” Pete repeated. In the old days, I would have rolled my eyes at Pete, who used to be even more of a troublemaker than I was. But that was before he starred in a big Hollywood movie and became the coolest kid in school.
    â€œYeah, I guess you’re right,” I said.
    Pete adjusted his sunglasses. He wore them all the time, because he thought they made him look sophisticated. I thought they just made him look goofy, which I’m allowed to say, because they were a gift from my friends and me.
    â€œAren’t we old enough yet so the adults don’t have to be at all our parties, keeping an eye on us?” Pete asked. “I mean, what’s the deal with that?” He shrugged. “Anyway, I gotta go find Mareli, before she finds me.” Mareli was Pete’s girlfriend, and she liked to know where he was at all times.
    â€œOkay, see you later.” I looked over at the parents, who were up on the porch mingling. They were all wearing nice shirts, and skirts, and colorful shorts. Half of them were staring at their phones. Didn’t any of them want to jump in the pool? Didn’t any of them want to splash around like an idiot? Didn’t any of them want to … you know … act like a kid?
    All of a sudden, I found myself taking my shirt and shoes off, then running full speed toward the pool.
    â€œCannonball!” I shouted, launching myself into the air.

    I balled up and jumped as high as I could, for maximum impact.
    SPLASH!
    By the time I came up to the surface, three girls were screaming because I’d gotten them all wet, and three boys had jumped into the pool after me. One of them was Timmy McGibney, who always tried to do what I did, only bigger and louder.
    â€œLet’s do this!” he screamed, jumping around and splashing everyone in sight.
    â€œLast one to the other side is a rotten egg!” I hollered.
    â€œGo!” he yelled.
    It was a close race—and when I looked up, the first thing I saw was Jake’s mom, standing over us.
    â€œBoys! Boys! I said no swimming! You all have a big day ahead of you! Please, everyone out now!”
    â€œSorry, Mrs. Katz,” said Eric Cunkler, one of the other boys who’d jumped in.
    Timmy and I looked at each other, trying to decide what to do. For a minute I thought about doing about five more cannonballs, but then I saw my parents looking at me, and I realized that nothing good could come from it.
    â€œBe right out, Mrs. Katz,” I said. “It’s just that the water is so nice.”
    Mrs. Katz was in the middle of flashing me her best fake smile when I heard an oddly familiar voice scream “COMING THROUGH!” Then, all of a sudden, a kid came flying past all the adults, past the catering people putting out lunch, and past the kids already sitting at the picnic tables. The kid was moving so fast I couldn’t tell who it was, but he took a flying leap into the pool, flailing his arms like a spastic baboon. He hit the water with a THWACK! that sounded like the worst belly flop in the history of belly flops. Ouch , I thought. Then I thought, Who is this crazy kid? And then I thought, I’m so happy there’s another moron here, so I’m not the only one.
    When the kid came to the surface, it all made sense.
    Teddy Spivero.
    No way!
    â€œHey, Wacko Jacko!” he gasped, water still coming out of his nose. “Long time no sneeze!”
    Way.
    â€œWhat’s up, Teddy?” I said, trying to sound perfectly normal and friendly. See, here’s the thing: Teddy Spivero was my archenemy ever since I first knew what the word archenemy meant. He was Hannah’s twin brother, and I’d spent approximately half my life trying to figure out how a perfect girl and a horrible boy could have the same exact genetic makeup. (A phrase I learned in eighth-grade science.)
    Teddy promptly swam down to the shallow end of the pool, where I was