Catastrophe Practice Read Online Free

embarrassed
.
    After a time Jenny stands, goes to the applewhich Ackerman has put on the table, bends down to it, puts her ear to it, then picks it up and walks around with it
.
JENNY
Once, when my mother was having dinner with Mr Ackerman, she opened her napkin and a thousand dollars fell into her soup.
    She takes a bite out of the apple: then spits
.
    Pips!
    She examines the inside of the apple
.
    Oh Mr Ackerman, what big factories you’ve got!
    She takes another bite: looks at Ariel: speaks with her mouth full
—
    What happened, did it get lost in the wash?
    She swallows
.
    Who are you?
    Ariel speaks from lying face down on the sofa
.
ARIEL
Ariel —
JENNY
Who’s Ariel?
ARIEL
A member of the liberation army.
    He sits up. He looks around the stage. He speaks as if he is more successfully trying to act not acting
.
    This place is going to be blown up. They’re coming up through the sewers. Rats and frogmen. Breaking down the fences. Leaping up the waterfalls. On to the dry land —
    He stands. He goes to the pillars of the loggia, and kicks them. He looks up at the flies
.
    Wood! Plastic!
    He goes to the balustrade at the back and looks over
.
    This is where Angelo fell! Two foot from the bottom! Into the bog! The glory hole! On to a foam rubber sea!
    When he looks at the audience, it is as if he hopes that something may be being recognised there
.
    Then he goes to the centre of the stage and squats down by what appears to be a crack in the rocks. He puts his fingers in, seeming to be trying to force the rocks apart
.
    Jenny watches him
.
JENNY
I think you’re one of the boring guests —
ARIEL
Well you’ve had your slice —
JENNY
What of —
ARIEL
The cucumber —
JENNY
But I haven’t —
ARIEL
But you will.
    Ariel seems unable to get the rocks apart. He looks up at Jenny
.
    Jenny puts her half-eaten apple back on the table
.
    Then she gets down on all fours
.
JENNY
— I’m a Trojan horse —
ARIEL
— How many men have you got inside —
JENNY
— Please, mister, I was only doing forty —
    Ariel stands. He looks round the stage
.
ARIEL
Got the wire?
JENNY
What for —
ARIEL
To chop it off —
JENNY
To make it grow?
    Ariel looks down at her
.
ARIEL
We’ve got to try —
JENNY
Why?
ARIEL
Haven’t we?
    Jenny stands; then goes and sits on the swing sofa, left. She looks at the audience
.
JENNY
What do they see?
ARIEL
Coloured lights, shapes, music —
    Jenny begins to take off her dress
.
    She seems to quote
—
JENNY
— The plains where they were born —
ARIEL
— The rings round Salamanca —
    Jenny, with her dress off, puts her feet up. Ariel goes and pulls the curtains that are round the back and sides of the swing sofa so that Jenny is half hidden
.
JEENY
Do they get through?
ARIEL
One or two —
JEENY
They see it?
ARIEL
Or see they don’t —
    Ariel climbs into the swing sofa with Jenny
.
JENNY
I thought it was a tomb.
ARIEL
Or perhaps it’s a laboratory?
    From inside, Ariel tries to draw the curtains round the front of the sofa
.
JENNY
— Pick it up by the feet —
ARIEL
— Hit it —
    He manages to draw the curtains so that he and Jenny are hidden
.
    The sofa rocks for a time; then is still
.
    The backdrop goes blank
.
    There are three flashes, as if of lightning, on the backdrop: then after a time, three bangs
.
    The backdrop changes to a deep blue
.
    There comes on at the front of the stage, right, Judith, a woman in her thirties. She wears a black dress and has bare feet. When she reaches the centre, she stops and looks at the audience. She seems to be someone who has taken refuge on the stage
.
    There come in through the auditorium a man and a woman. They might be people who are pursuing Judith. When they see she is on a stage, they seem uncertain. Then they climb on to the stage and adopt the roles of a Footman and a Maid. Judith moves along the balustrade towards the left. The