Calling All Birdbrains Read Online Free

Calling All Birdbrains
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the rest of Lippy’s feathers go sailing into the air. I looked up. It was raining feathers in the room!
    â€œUnnnh…unnnnh…” Feenman wiped the snot off his face with Crench’s shirtsleeve. “Bernie—that bird…he’s totally BALD!”
    Crench picked up Lippy and used him as a handkerchief.
    â€œPut him down,” I muttered. “He’s had a bad enough day, hasn’t he? Why does he have to wipe your nose?”
    I frowned at the limp, scrawny, naked bird and shook my head sadly. “You’re bad luck,” I said. “Bad-Luck Lippy. You have to go. Or else I’ll never have good luck again.”
    Feenman and Crench both gasped. “He’ll have to go? Do you mean it, Bernie?” Crench asked. “You’re gonna get rid of him?”
    I nodded. I had tears in my eyes. My stomach felt as tight as a knot. “We have no choice,” I whispered. “My poor pet parrot—he has to go.”
    But…where?

Chapter 11
G OOD N EWS , B AD N EWS
    It broke my heart—but what choice did I have?
    I waited till all the kids were on their way to dinner in the Dining Hall. I couldn’t eat. I was too upset.
    I put Lippy into his cage and carried it to the side of the girls’ dorm. I set the cage down in the grass next to the door.
    I blew Lippy a kiss. “Don’t worry,” I said. “A nice girl will adopt you and give you a good home.”

    He was so cute. I almost changed my mind.
    But…no way. I had to leave my bad luck behind.
    I blew him another kiss, forced myself to turn away—and ran all the way back to Rotten House.
    â€œBernie? Bernie—come here a minute.” Mrs. Heinie stopped me at the stairs.
    Uh-oh. Was this good luck or bad?
    â€œUh…sorry, Mrs. H.,” I said. “No time to talk right now. I’m skipping dinner tonight. You know I like to study for at least six hours every night. Four hours just isn’t enough. I want to learn, learn, learn!”
    She rolled her eyes. “Tell me another one,” she said. “Bernie, I know Belzer does your homework for you every night.”
    â€œNo way,” I said. “I do all the thinking. He just writes it down.”
    â€œBernie, give me a break,” Mrs. Heinie said. “I just want to congratulate you. You did such a wonderful mopping job. I think you deserve an extra dessert tonight!”

    Lippy was gone for only two minutes—and my luck was changing already!
    I thanked Mrs. Heinie and hurried to the Dining Hall. On the way, I found a crisp dollar bill lying in the grass. More good luck! And two desserts waiting for me!
    Could life get any better?
    Later that night, I even found my spare set of glasses. I sat in my room watching Belzer do my homework. I looked up when I heard a knock at the door.
    â€œYo, Bernie!” Angel Goodeboy walked in—carrying the birdcage with Lippy inside it.
    Angel’s blue eyes twinkled. “Bernie, I found your parrot by the girls’ dorm,” he said. “I rescued him for you. Please—don’t thank me. I know how crazy you are about this bird!”
    â€œBut—but—” I sputtered.
    Angel giggled. Then he set the cage down and hurried away.
    Another knock on the door. Mrs. Heinie poked her head in. “By the way, Bernie,” she said. “You did such a great cleaning job, I want you to mop thefloors every week !”
    I let out a long groan. Bad luck. Bad luck for Bernie B.
    Bad-Luck Lippy was back.

Chapter 12
B ERNIE THE H UMAN P RETZEL
    The next morning, I heard thundering hoofbeats again as I headed across the Great Lawn to class. I tried to run, but Jennifer Ecch tackled me from behind and dropped me to the ground.
    â€œGood morning, Sweet Cakes,” she said. She sat on my chest so I couldn’t escape.
    â€œDon’t call me Sweet Cakes,” I said, spitting grass from between my teeth. “What do you want,
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