Bridesmaids Read Online Free
ever-so-polite technique is getting me precisely nowhere. I’d get more response talking to the wedding cake. So I decide to start tapping people on the shoulder as well.
‘Er, yes, hi, hello,’ I say. ‘Really sorry to interrupt, but doyou think you could make your way into the garden? The photographer’s ready.’
Nothing. I cough–my aim being to be polite but authoritative. In other words, to get people to start doing as they’re bloody well told.
‘The photos are about to be taken,’ I say, with a definite firmness now. ‘Could you make your way into the garden… please ?’
This is starting to get really annoying. I am either invisible or people are more interested in the booze and smoked salmon blinis than standing outside for half an hour being told to say ‘chocolate biscuits’.
Hmm. Okay, so I knew it was going to be a challenge. I need to get bossy. Very well–I can do bossy. I resist the temptation to stand on a chair, but decide to give it all I’ve got anyway.
‘LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,’ I bellow, aware that all I’m lacking is a bell and a town-crier’s outfit. ‘PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OUT INTO THE GARDEN AS THE PHOTOGRAPHS ARE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN.’
The whole room stops talking and turns to look at me as if I’m a stripper who’s been booked as the star turn at a Women’s Institute meeting. Obviously, I was rather louder than I thought.
I suddenly realise that I was so close to the poor bloke next to me that I just might have punctured his eardrums. He’s visibly cringing, and I hadn’t known what that looked like until now. He turns around slowly with the clear intention of discovering the source of this outburst and I realise that I’ve got nowhere to run.
The second I see his face, my heart sinks. At least nobody could accuse me of not knowing how to make a first impression.
Chapter 9
I decide that there’s only one way to redeem this situation–and that’s to say something funny. To make Action Man think, Okay, so this woman has twice acted like she’s just escaped from the local asylum but, my goodness, isn’t she just the wittiest, most amusing individual I’ve ever met? That would at least go some way to remedying this disaster.
I try to conjure up my best, most side-splitting line, to lighten the atmosphere and ideally make him want to take me home immediately.
‘Er, ah! Er, erm…’ I splutter. ‘Sorry about that.’
Move over Monty Python .
He smiles. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he says. ‘You’ve got an impressive set of lungs, that’s for sure. Although don’t take that the wrong way, will you?’
I relax–slightly–and try again. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I reply, attempting to brazen out the fact that I haven’t felt more embarrassed since…well, since I saw him on the stairs an hour ago, actually.
‘Not exactly,’ he says, laughing. ‘Although I admit not all the girls take your approach.’
My face gets hotter. ‘Okay, I admit it,’ I confess. ‘I’membarrassed.’ I don’t know why I’m telling him this, when he can already see that my cheeks look like they’ve got third-degree sunburn.
‘Don’t be,’ he says, nodding over to the doors. ‘It’s done the trick.’
The guests are pouring onto the terrace.
‘Thank God for that,’ I sigh.
‘Is this what being a bridesmaid involves these days?’ he adds. ‘I didn’t think you had to do anything other than stand around looking pretty.’
‘Looking pretty is really my main duty for the day,’ I agree. ‘That and deafening the guests.’
‘Well,’ he says, ‘may I say you do both exceptionally well.’
I try to stop myself grinning. ‘Thank you,’ I say instead. ‘I’m Evie. Very pleased to meet you.’
I offer my hand to shake and he reaches out and holds it firmly. But before he gets the chance to introduce himself, we are interrupted.
‘Evie, you naughty thing! I hope you’re not trying to steal my date!’
Valentina is pretending
‘Er, yes, hi, hello,’ I say. ‘Really sorry to interrupt, but doyou think you could make your way into the garden? The photographer’s ready.’
Nothing. I cough–my aim being to be polite but authoritative. In other words, to get people to start doing as they’re bloody well told.
‘The photos are about to be taken,’ I say, with a definite firmness now. ‘Could you make your way into the garden… please ?’
This is starting to get really annoying. I am either invisible or people are more interested in the booze and smoked salmon blinis than standing outside for half an hour being told to say ‘chocolate biscuits’.
Hmm. Okay, so I knew it was going to be a challenge. I need to get bossy. Very well–I can do bossy. I resist the temptation to stand on a chair, but decide to give it all I’ve got anyway.
‘LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,’ I bellow, aware that all I’m lacking is a bell and a town-crier’s outfit. ‘PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OUT INTO THE GARDEN AS THE PHOTOGRAPHS ARE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN.’
The whole room stops talking and turns to look at me as if I’m a stripper who’s been booked as the star turn at a Women’s Institute meeting. Obviously, I was rather louder than I thought.
I suddenly realise that I was so close to the poor bloke next to me that I just might have punctured his eardrums. He’s visibly cringing, and I hadn’t known what that looked like until now. He turns around slowly with the clear intention of discovering the source of this outburst and I realise that I’ve got nowhere to run.
The second I see his face, my heart sinks. At least nobody could accuse me of not knowing how to make a first impression.
Chapter 9
I decide that there’s only one way to redeem this situation–and that’s to say something funny. To make Action Man think, Okay, so this woman has twice acted like she’s just escaped from the local asylum but, my goodness, isn’t she just the wittiest, most amusing individual I’ve ever met? That would at least go some way to remedying this disaster.
I try to conjure up my best, most side-splitting line, to lighten the atmosphere and ideally make him want to take me home immediately.
‘Er, ah! Er, erm…’ I splutter. ‘Sorry about that.’
Move over Monty Python .
He smiles. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he says. ‘You’ve got an impressive set of lungs, that’s for sure. Although don’t take that the wrong way, will you?’
I relax–slightly–and try again. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I reply, attempting to brazen out the fact that I haven’t felt more embarrassed since…well, since I saw him on the stairs an hour ago, actually.
‘Not exactly,’ he says, laughing. ‘Although I admit not all the girls take your approach.’
My face gets hotter. ‘Okay, I admit it,’ I confess. ‘I’membarrassed.’ I don’t know why I’m telling him this, when he can already see that my cheeks look like they’ve got third-degree sunburn.
‘Don’t be,’ he says, nodding over to the doors. ‘It’s done the trick.’
The guests are pouring onto the terrace.
‘Thank God for that,’ I sigh.
‘Is this what being a bridesmaid involves these days?’ he adds. ‘I didn’t think you had to do anything other than stand around looking pretty.’
‘Looking pretty is really my main duty for the day,’ I agree. ‘That and deafening the guests.’
‘Well,’ he says, ‘may I say you do both exceptionally well.’
I try to stop myself grinning. ‘Thank you,’ I say instead. ‘I’m Evie. Very pleased to meet you.’
I offer my hand to shake and he reaches out and holds it firmly. But before he gets the chance to introduce himself, we are interrupted.
‘Evie, you naughty thing! I hope you’re not trying to steal my date!’
Valentina is pretending
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