Billionaire Secrets of a Wanglorious Bastard Read Online Free Page A

that.”
    “For realz?”
    “When I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about a case I'm working on and couldn't stop thinking about it until I got to work. I'm talking about the case right now to you, so I'm still billing.”
    “Let me get this straight. You bill when you think about the case, no matter how abstract, right?”
    “Right.”
    “And the client pays you two hundred and fifty dollars an hour for just thinking abstractly about the case.”
    “No. I get paid three hundred and fifty an hour. I'm a third year.”
    Britney skanked in. “Rufus, we need to finish the tour.”
    Xandra’s jaw dropped. “OMG. I am so sorry.”
    Britney waved her apology away. “Don’t worry yourself, hon.”
    Xandra dropped on her knees. Right at Britney’s feet. “So sorry. So sorry.”
    Britney stepped over her and summoned me to follow.
    I turned to see Xandra sobbing uncontrollably. Complete with body heaves.  
    Note to self, find somewhere else to work after getting an offer. Maybe a Miami firm? Or somewhere that had a better lifestyle.

10

    BRITNEY AND I waited outside an office with a placard that read “MASAHIRO KAWADA” in English and what I assumed to be Japanese kanji.  
    I recognized it from all the Japanese movies, manga, puro, and MMA I watched over the years.
    A voice coming straight out of a Toshiro Mifune flick bellowed from the office. “Enter.”
    The office was filled with Japanese relics and photos. A Japanese attorney I assumed to be Masahiro Kawada stood up and bowed. He looked really familiar.  
    Britney spoke slowly. “Hiro, this is Rufus.”
    Hiro aped her by speaking more slowly. “Ru-fus?”
    Britney bowed. “Yes. Ruuu-fussss.”
    Hiro bowed. “Ah so.” He studied my face. Then quickly dropped to the ground and kowtowed. “Britney-san, excuse us please?” More kowtowing.
    “That's fine.”  
    As she left, Hiro said, “Britney-san, close door behind you, please?”
    Soon as that door closed, I said, “Get your ass up, ‘Hiro.’”
    He kept his head buried in the ground and said, “So sorry. Meditation time.”
    “Don’t make me soccer-kick you in the head, man.”
    “Meditation time.” He started reciting some gibberish.
    I turned to the door. “Fine, Enos.”
    He shot up faster than Rick ran down the hall and barricaded his body against the door. These attorneys sure were quick here.  
    “Hiro” quickly lost his accent. “Please, Rufus. Don’t tell.”  
    “Okay, cuz.” I looked at the photos. Recognized his mother dressed like a geisha at the same costume party my mother went as Bob Marley. Not surprisingly, Dada wasn’t in the picture. Another picture had some real Japanese dudes in them I didn’t recognize.
“Who are they?”
    “Fuck I know. Came with the picture frame.”
    “Why didn't I know you were at Krueller?”
    “I didn't want you showing up and fucking up a good thing I had going.”
    “Good job that you did, because I'm here now.”
    “You're not gonna tell Mama, are you?”
    “Enos…”
    The door opened and some young guy who looked like Pocahontas and James Franco’s love child stepped in with Britney.
    “Masahiro, you giving the new guy shit?”
    Enos, I mean Hiro, played dumb.
    I said, “He was just telling me about his youth in Kyoto.”
    Hiro kowtowed.
    Britney bowed. “So chivalrous and shit. I'll leave you guys alone. Tani, can you take him to his office afterwards?”  
    Tani nodded. “Sure. Where is it?”
    “Slater's old office.”
    “I didn't know he left.”
    Britney smiled. “He doesn't either.”
    Tani exchanged a nervous glace with Hiro.  
    Britney slowly said, “Thank. You. So. Much. Hiro.”
    He kowtowed as she exited.
    Gladys came right in and handed Hiro an envelope. And promptly left.
    Hiro’s accent must have left with her. He sniffed the envelope and said, “I love the smell of money.”
    Tani said, “You got a bonus?”
    Didn’t make sense to me. “Do you regularly get bonuses this late?”