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way to do this, and so I learned to appreciate my parents’ insistence that we double-date until age eighteen.
    Of course, this didn’t guarantee that the boys I didn’t feel interested enough in to see again wouldn’t call for a second date. Once again, I learned from my brothers that the way you said no was just as important as being nice on a date. Boys talk to one another about their experiences, too. I know this becauseI listened to many of my brothers’ conversations with their guy friends after they had double-dated. Hearing them talk about the girls they had gone out with was very enlightening when I was younger. It helped me to understand their perspectives and what qualities men look for in a girl.
    There are times when it can be a relief for a teenager to have an adult step in and rescue a situation. For a short while, there was a young guy who would repeatedly call to ask me out. I didn’t want to see him again, but he didn’t seem to comprehend my repeated “I’m busy” answer as a gentle letdown and a hint to give up the pursuit. He continued to call almost every day. One day my mother’s frustration at answering the phone yet again made her say to me, with a voice loud enough for him to hear: “Oh, just tell him you can’t—your mom said you had to wash your hair!” He never called back!
    It wasn’t often, but as a girl I really appreciated that my mother would, at times, take the heat for the no I wanted to give when a boy would ask me out. It gave me the freedom to follow my heart without hurting anyone’s feelings. I’ve done the same for my children, especially once they get to the age where they are dating. Even though it’s different now—no one ever calls “the house” anymore!—I tell my children to use me as an excuse anytime they feel any discomfort. They have been given my permission to say to anyone, “My mom said no” or “My mother told me that I need to come home now” or “My mother made other plans for the family, and I have to be there.” They aren’t untruths as far as I’m concerned, because if I sensed any one of my kids felt “stuck” in a social situation they didn’t want to be in,I would tell them that I want them to come home immediately. With their flair for the dramatic, a couple of my older kids have been heard saying, “I can’t. My mother would ground me for life and then permanently disfigure me.” Thanks so much for the great reputation!
    Daughters, especially, need a cushion from unwanted attention, without having to be labeled in any way. My two older daughters always told me that I had a sixth sense about it during their teen years. They said that the moment they were being invited to do something questionable, their cell phones would ring and it would be me checking in on them. Jessica told me that it creeped her out how I always rang her number right at that decision-making moment. I had no way of knowing what was going on. I was just following my mother’s intuition. It’s like a muscle, you know: The more you listen, the stronger it gets. (My mom was Mrs. Universe!)
    I think my kids’ friends feel, for the most part, that I’m a “fun” mom, because I will laugh and have a good time when they are over to the house. I’ve even been known to instigate an outing to “TP” the house of a schoolmate; I’ve mentored them on how a good double roll will have enough weight to fly high over the treetops. (I really should be careful what I write!) However, when it comes to some things, I set very strict boundaries. I’ve learned to live with being the “unfair” mom, too. When my first four were going through their teen years, I insisted on no sleepovers, ever. Many parents seemed to be fine with the trend of having large coed sleepovers, because as one parent told me, it was “better for us to know where they are.”I could never get on board with that and wouldn’t allow my kids to attend, despite some begging and protesting that