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commitments. She advised against dating only one boy. She thought that it would be likely that I would try to become what the boy wanted me to be instead of dating enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship. I followed her advice. I had a lot of first dates and quite a few second dates. If I had a third date with a boy, that’s when my parents started to pay attention. Although this still embarrasses me to admit, as a young teenager, I kept an index card for each boy I went out with in a file box, hidden away in a drawer. On the card, I would describe his hair, his skin, what he wore, and what he talked about. Then I would rate him on his good night kiss. Embarrassing but true. The idea of sorting out my feelings on index cards makes me laugh now, but since I had no sister and no school friends, I didn’t have anyone to share my thoughts with about boys. I don’t know whatever happened to those file boxes. It’s a good thing Facebook and Twitter weren’t around in the late seventies. Good to note: Be careful what you write down!
    I also learned a lot from group dating when I got an abrupt “wake-up call” from my brother Merrill about being respectful to a boy while out on a date. One evening I double-dated with him and his girlfriend and a boy they had fixed me up with. We started out having dinner at a restaurant. About twenty minutes into the dinner, I knew that this guy was not my type whatsoever. I could barely concentrate on anything he wanted to talk about, and he wasn’t at all amused by anything I had to say, either. I decided that his sense of humor had been surgically removed from his personality. After dinner, the four of us were supposed to go on to do some other activity, but I was dreading it, so I pretended that I had a bad migraine and needed to go home.
    I thought I had been pretty clever to escape two more hours with him and went on to relish my rare evening alone, doing whatever I wanted on my own time. After working long, long days on the
Donny & Marie
show, just having an evening to myself was wonderful. When Merrill got home later, he knocked on my bedroom door. I could tell that my Oscar-worthy portrayal of “teen girl with bad headache” had not fooled him. I’ll never forget him saying, “Your behavior was so disappointing to me. That poor kid. I know he went home feeling terrible about himself. He was really nervous to be around you, and then you wouldn’t even stay through the one date he had with you. Bad form, my sister. Do you want guys to say that you’re a girl who will stand them up on a date? Don’t ever do that again.” Suddenly my two hours of free time felt more like a punishment—not from Merrill, but from the truth in hiswords. I had only paid attention to my own discomfort and not what that boy might have been experiencing. I couldn’t escape knowing that I had been selfish to abandon the date.
    A couple of days later, I went on a double date with Jay and a girl that he liked and another boy I had never met before. I could tell after the first half hour that I wasn’t attracted to this boy, either, but Merrill’s words were still playing loudly in my mind. So I decided that I would put some extra effort into being more thoughtful toward this kid. We sat in the backseat as Jay drove us all to get something to eat. As the evening went along, I took the time to ask the boy all about his life, his dreams, and his goals. We talked about music and sports and good movies. I even tried to find some common interests. I knew I wouldn’t want to go out with him again, but I had a better appreciation for who he was as a person and the effort it took him to ask me out for the evening. My lesson was learned. It was as my mother had described to me. Dating was about asking questions and using the time to find out who is a good match for you and what qualities you would look for in an eventual life partner. Having a safe way to spend a noncommittal evening was the best