Attack of the Mutant Underwear Read Online Free Page B

walked over to Godzilla to sharpen it. And if I hadn’t walked over to Godzilla, then I wouldn’t have been right behind Amy while she was sharpening her stubby little pencil. And if I hadn’t been right behind Amy, then I wouldn’t have been there when Godzilla jerked her stubby little pencil out of her hand.
    Amy jumped back, screaming, “It’s eating it!” The noise coming from Godzilla was incredible, like rocks in a blender. Ralphster the hamster went wild in his cage, squeaking and going around and around on his exercise wheel. Kids clapped their hands over their ears. Ms. B hustled across the room, saying, “It’s okay! It’s okay!” Even though the look in her eyes was saying, “No, it’s not! No, it’s not!” Tyler jumped up out of his seat and started banging on Godzilla. But the monster wasn’t fazed. It kept grinding Amy’s pencil into splinters. Things were looking kind of bad …
    Until—in a very New Me moment—a voice came into my head. It said, “Pull the plug, Cody.”
    So I pulled the plug. Godzilla made a sound kind of like a burp, then ground to a halt.
    Ms. B picked up Godzilla and looked down its throat. “Whew! For a second there I thought it was going to eat the entire classroom. Quick thinking, Cody.” She patted me on the back. “Our hero saves the day!”
    Which I like the sound of—Cody Lee “Our Hero” Carson.
    Later, Amy came up to me and said, “Thanks!”
    Which was nice, too … I guess.
    Saturday, October 7
    MC invited that Jordy kid over again. Dad says, “They’re like two peas in a pod.” Meaning they’re both trouble.
    No kidding. A guy can’t get any privacy when they’re around. They were playing tag (which Mom had already told them twice not to do in the house) when MC came blasting into my room with Jordy chasing right behind her.
    I didn’t see or hear them. That’s because I was listening to a CD through my headphones. And I had my eyes closed. And I guess I was sort of dancing to the music and acting like I was playing the guitar, in my … I hate to say it … in my underwear.
    When I finally realized MC and Jordy were there, they were pointing at me and laughing. I yelled at them. “Get lost!” They said, “Oops!” and left. I sure wish they hadn’t seen me dancing around like that, especially Jordy. What if he’s a blabbermouth?
    Sunday, October 8
    MC’s tooth is getting lots looser. She keeps making Dad and Mom wiggle it, but I won’t—unless she does her share of cleaning Emma’s kitty litter.
    Which she hasn’t.
    Which is a problem.
    A BIG problem.
    So I started thinking, Sometimes to solve a BIG problem, you have to do like Ms. B says and “think outside the box.” That doesn’t mean the kitty litter box. “The box” is just a way of saying how most people see things. So if you “think outside the box,” you’re hatching new and creative ideas, stuff most people wouldn’t dream up.
    Might as well give it a try: Think outside the box. Think outside the box. Think outside the box.
    Monday, October 9
    Ms. B said she couldn’t have her students being devoured by a pencil sharpener, so she took Godzilla home. “He’s happily perched on my kitchen counter,” she said, “where I feed him a pencil every day for breakfast.”
    Thursday, October 12
    Today was school picture day. Lots of kids were really dressed up. Tyler even had on a tie! Zach kidded him about it, saying, “You look like a geek!” I felt sorry for Tyler. When I was the Old Me, I used to get teased a lot. But Tyler didn’t seem to mind. He said, “You’re just jealous ’cause you’re not as handsome.” Zach punched him on the arm. Tyler punched Zach back, and they both laughed.
    It was nearly lunch by the time our class lined