Ash Read Online Free Page B

it’s kinda hard when I’m exhausted, and trying to get him to go back to sleep in his own room. I’m hoping he grows out of it.”
    I fiddled with the placemat and avoided meeting my mother’s gaze.
    “Honey, are things getting too much?” Her voice sounded softer.
    I glanced at her and closed my eyes. “It’s just hard. Between trying to balance my shifts and Jake’s school run and activities, it’s just so damned hard. I feel like I can’t catch my breath.”
    My mother sat down on the stool beside me and touched my hand.
    “I’m not looking for sympathy, Mom,” I said. “I’m just a little lost.”
    “Sweetheart, you were dealt a shitty hand, that much no one can deny, but you’re doing an amazing job with Jake. Look at that little boy and tell me that he doesn’t believe for a second that he’s not loved. You’re a wonderful father, and are just too hard on yourself. You need to think of your own needs, not just Jake’s.”
    I didn’t want her seeing the weak and sorry excuse she had for a son. “Every time I look at him, I see Connie. And every time I think of her, I’m reminded that I’m never going to see her again. It kills me in a way I can’t explain.”
    “Oh, Ashley.” She gently squeezed my hand. “I know you’re still hurting, but you can’t go through this alone. Let me help more. I can have Jake a few nights a week, that way you don’t need to feel pressured into trying to do it all.”
    Shaking my head, I stood and walked to the sink. I rested my hands on the cold stainless steel and gripped it tight.
    “Not happening. He’s my child. I will deal with it. Besides, you do enough already.”
    “Ashley,” she said.
    I cut her off. “Mom, please, I know you’re trying to help, but I need to do this on my own.”
    I turned around and saw the pain in her eyes.
    “You’re not going to back down, are you?” she asked. She stood, grabbing her keys and purse from the counter.
    “I’m sorry. You know I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for me, but I need to do this my own way.”
    She walked over to me, touched my face, and smiled. “You’re so handsome. You make me proud every day. Promise me you won’t lose who you are to this grief.”
    I took her hand and kissed the back of it. “I promise.”
    “Very well. I’ll pick Jake up after daycare tomorrow,” she said, making her way up the hall. “Your father is taking him to the zoo on Wednesday, and I believe we’re all going to Mackenzie’s charity game on Thursday night.”
    “See? Everything is under control.” I followed in her wake, trying to sound a little chirper.
    “Bye, Jake,” she shouted into the living room.
    Jake waved at her and turned his attention back to his Lego set.
    “Bye, Mom. Thanks again.” I kissed her cheek.
    “Make sure he sleeps in his own bed, and you get some rest,” she ordered, closing the door behind her.
    I rested my head against the door and closed my eyes for the umpteenth time, trying to think of a time when life wasn’t this stressful.
    “Daddy?” Jake asked.
    I turned my head and saw him standing in the doorway, staring at me. “What’s up?”
    “Are you sad?”
    I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. I’m just tired.”
    “Can I play Minecraft?”
    “It’s nearly bedtime,” I replied, glancing at my watch.
    “Please!”
    “Okay, for fifteen minutes, then it’s bedtime.” I smiled at him.
    He ran and hugged me before zooming into the living room and picking up the Playstation controller.
    While Jake played his game, I took a quick shower, washing away the day, the grime, and the irritation.
    By the time I got out of the shower and checked on him, Jake was rubbing his eyes and yawning.
    “Right,” I said, grabbing the remote and switching off the television. “Game time is over.”
    “Okay, Daddy,” he replied, yawning once more.
    On a good day, Jake made parenting easy. He listened and tried his best to be independent. It couldn’t have made