Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations Read Online Free Page B

over. Can we please talk about the flood now?
    GOD : In a second. I want to hear the postgame interview.
    HERSHISER : I’d like to thank God for this victory. I couldn’t have done it without him .
    GOD : Hey, did you hear that! Did you hear what he just said!
    ANGEL : Yes, I heard.
    GOD : Man …I love that Hershiser guy.
    ANGEL : Can we talk about the flood now?
    GOD : In a minute. NASCAR’s on. I got to make sure Greg Biffle wins.
    ANGEL : Do you really have to watch NASCAR?
    GOD : Yes! I don’t think you get it. There are people out there who are counting on me.

if life were like hockey
    POLICE OFFICER : I can’t believe it! You just hit that man, deliberately, with a stick. Right in the back, as hard as you could! You didn’t even try to hide what you were doing.
    CRAZY PERSON : What are you going to do about it?
    POLICE OFFICER : I’m … going to make you sit on that bench. For two minutes.
    CRAZY PERSON : Can I bring along my stick?
    POLICE OFFICER : Yes.
    CRAZY PERSON : Sounds good. (To victim) I’ll see you in two minutes.
    VICTIM : Officer! What am I supposed to do?
    POLICE OFFICER : I don’t know. Fight him?

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colombiatourism.com
    Thank you for visiting ColombiaTourism.com ! Here are some useful phrases for your vacation. Click on them for English-to-Spanish translations.
    “Which way to the restaurant?”
    “How much does it cost?”
    “Where is the bathroom?
    “Who are you?”
    “Oh my God, where are you taking me?”
    “Please do not put the rag inside of my mouth.”
    “My father is a wealthy man. I promise he will pay the amount you have requested, provided that you spare my life.”
    “I have not seen your face. If you release me, I promise, I will not be able to identify you.”
    “I have a family whom I love. Deep down, I am like you.”
    “I agree with your sentiments about America. Your philosophy is correct and very reasonable.”
    “I feel a strong emotional bond toward you, even though you are my captor.”
    “With every passing day, we are becoming better friends. Say, that is a unique gun. May I see it?”
    “Thank you.”
    “The tables have turned!”
    “Do not move while I put the chains on you. I will shoot!”
    “Officer! Three men tried to kidnap me. Arrest them at once.”
    “What are you doing? Why are you putting the handcuffs on me?”
    “Oh my God, you are in league with the kidnappers. How can this be? Is there no law in this land?”
    “Yes, I will stop talking.”

ant farm
    —All right men, listen up. As you know, we’ve built seven tunnels and we still haven’t found a way through the glass. I can tell you’re discouraged and I don’t blame you. Tunnel 7 was our most ambitious project to date and you all risked your lives to make it happen. But rest assured, we’ll be out of this hellish wasteland soon enough. I have a plan.
    —What is it? What’s the plan?
    —An eighth tunnel. Through the sand.
    —I don’t know, sir … we’ve been digging tunnels ever since we got here. We always end up hitting glass. We lost ten men on the last tunnel: Brian, Jack, Lawrence—
    —I know their names.
    —Why don’t we just give up? I mean seriously, what’s the point?
    —The point? The point is we have no food or water. The point is we’re trapped in this crazy desert, and if we don’t find an exit soon we’re going to suffocate.
    —What kind of God would put us here, just to torture us? Sand to the left … sand to the right …
    —It’s a test, William. He’s testing us.
    —You’re right. We can do this. We just have to work ten times harder than we’ve ever worked before! (Starts digging.)
    —You want to know something? I’ve got a good feeling about this one. A really good feeling.

              
    IV

love coupons
    —Brian? What are you doing here?
    —I came to redeem some coupons.
    —(reading) “Good for one back rub” … “Good for one home-cooked meal” … Brian, I gave these to