big iron double bed with a patchwork quilt. Thereâs a toy box, and a table with pens and paper and paints. Thereâs a bookshelf with childrenâs books. I can see a toy garage with loads of cars. A massive dollâs house. A painted rocking horse sits in the middle of the room, and thereâs a row of old-fashioned dolls with china faces. Iâd have loved this stuff when I was about six.
Right now, though, I could do with a TV and a laptop.
She puts my bag on the big bed and says, âWill this be all right for you? Iâm afraid itâs kitted out for younger children than you, but if you tell me what youâd like, I can get things in for you. And we have lots of books downstairs; youâll have to have a look tomorrow. Do you like reading?â
âUm, no. . .â I say, mainly to kill the conversation stone dead. Sheâs still smiling, but thereâs a little creasebetween her eyes. I feel like Iâve let her down, but I donât care. Anyway I generally prefer to see the film if there is one.
âHave a look anyway, you might find something you like,â she says. âThe others are all younger than you, thatâs why itâs like this.â
I wonder vaguely about her other grandchildren. They probably read Dickens and Shakespeare all day long. And then it strikes me. These are my cousins. I might even have brothers and sisters. I canât believe this is happening to me. My head is aching just trying to take in all the possibilities.
âHave you got everything you need?â she asks, opening a cupboard and bringing out some big fluffy white towels.
âYup.â Actually I have absolutely zero idea what Dougâs packed in my bag. For all I know, it contains three socks and my mumâs nightie.
âSleep well,â she says, and I can see her thinking about kissing me and deciding not to. Then she leaves me alone. Thank God for that.
Iâm desperate to go and have a shower, but I donât seem to be able to move. I think Iâll just lie down on the bed to get my strength together. The patchwork quilt is kind of scratchy to lie on, so I push it off and find fantastic smooth white sheets and a soft blanket underneath.I lie there and take deep breaths and think about what Iâve worked out.
I have grandparents on my dadâs side. Iâd never thought about them before, and if I had, Iâd have assumed they were dead because they never bothered to see me.
Theyâre really rich, but we never had any money to spare. So they never helped us, and nor did my dad.
My auntie Louise has been secretly in touch with them for years. Why? They know Mum and Gran but I donât think theyâre in contact. Why? Patrick seems to have a really low opinion of my mum. Presumably he thinks sheâs a slapper for getting pregnant when she was sixteen and my dad was seventeen.
This adds to the scraps I know about my dad: heâs a good-looking, arrogant bastard who never did anything for us, and Iâm better off without him. Lots of girls liked him. He studied law at Manchester University. He went to St Saviourâs, a Catholic boysâ school which is why my mum sent me there. Oh, and the only thing he ever gave me was a Manchester United scarf. He and Mum had a go at living together but it didnât work out. And I once thought my mum was hinting that he might have hit her.
They must know everything about him, including where he is. I could ask them anything about him. He might even be about to turn up here . . . why wouldnâthe? But why would he, if he never bothered to see me before?
My head is full and the brandy is churning around inside me, mixing with the Mars Bar and the M&S biscuits but not in a good way, and Iâm incredibly dizzy. And this bed is really comfortable. Itâs a blessed relief to fall asleep.
When I wake up, everything is dark and Alistair is sitting on the end of the bed.
CHAPTER