Toronto. They begin discussing the city while I concentrate on appearing interested, wondering if I should go to the bathroom so I can pass by the leathercouch. Soon, however, Trainerâs favorite haunts in Ontarioâs capital command my attention. He orders another drink, and attempts to enlighten Rummy and myself.
âWell, my first time I was eighteen. Iâd been chatting with this guy from TO online, and weâd agreed to meet. He was thirty-six. I told my mom I was going to see the Hockey Hall of Fame.â
âThatâs in Canada?â I ask.
Trainer ignores me and continues. âGot there after nine hours on the Greyhound, and he takes me to this pretty seedy place.â He pauses. âWell, pretty much any bathhouse Iâve been in is seedy. We bypassed the slurp ramp for the hot tubs. You guys know what a slurp ramp is?â
Rummy and I shake our heads.
âItâs like this platform with curtains all around you, and in the curtains are slits about waist high to stick your dick through.â
I imagine Trainer naked, fitting his penis through a hole in a stiff curtain. Immediately his life seems much more interesting than mine.
âSo, whatever, thatâs not my bag, we went to the hot tub. Itâs like, really crowded. I had to walk down the steps with my wang flopping from side to side until I reached the surface. So the hot tubâs just full of these floating dicks, literally.â
âSo what do you do when youâre in there?â I want to know.
âWhatever you want.â
His second drink finished already, he orders a Bud this time, and winks as he lifts the bottle to his lips. âPredictable is boring,â he says.
Although I roll my eyes when he says this, Iâm often susceptible to the type of people who make these sweeping pronouncements.
Johnâs Yellow Submarine is the drink special, written on a chalkboard next to the Pac Man video game. The ingredients are listed as blended vanilla ice cream, Baileys, and banana liqueur. I order one of these next, and it comes with half a banana stuck upright onto the side of the glass.
Trainer confides that he trusts Rummy because heâs from Canada. There is no particular logic to this, only Trainerâs perception of Canadians as being the coolest people in the world.
âCanadians are funnier than us,â he states. âAnd I donât feel like a homo in Toronto.â
âAnd we make great Lifesavers,â Rummy adds.
Trainer wants to know what the hell heâs talking about.
âI like the green ones,â I say again.
Bryce arrives beside me at the bar to pay his tab, and tells me heâs meeting someone down the street.
âA buddy of mine,â he says. âYouâll probably meet him.â
I want to go with him, to pretend I was just leaving myself, but heâs bought me a beer and I canât leave it.
He sets it in front of me saying, âLabbattâs, right?â
I nod and thank him, and, without breaking eye contact, he says, âNo problem. The first of many.â
I donât turn to watch him go, but I know when heâs gone.
âHe seems nice,â Rummy says.
When I leave the bar at two thirty alone, Trainer is walking with difficulty up Main Street, held up by someone half his size.
He gives me a wave and yells, âJuan here is helping me home tonight because Juan is so fucking hot. Isnât that right, Juan?â
Juan nods and looks pleased.
As I walk towards my bike, I have a sense of how importantthis all is. Of how each star is warm and the night is good and the sound of bikes and horses should be recorded so that everyone can hear, everyone can know how important this all is. These thoughts are interrupted by me falling over.
St. Paul, 12:57 p.m.
Thatâs what it was like in the beginning; the magic of new people and the openness of sky. The flicker burning of discovery and the sensation of everything