A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan Read Online Free Page A

small affectionate gesture was just too much for me. Breaking into heavy sobs, I pushed my face deeper into the pillow trying to contain them.
    “Shhhhhh… angel, please don’t cry,” Jayden whispered as he continued to weave his fingers through my hair.
    “D… Don’t call m… me that,” I said between broken sobs into the pillow. Finally, I was able to draw in a deep breath and get at least a partial hold on myself. “You called me that while we…“ I closed my eyes, unable to say „while we made love’. “FUCK!” I screamed into the pillow, “What do you want from me?!”
    “I just brought you something to eat,” he answered quietly, hesitating before standing up. I heard him reposition whatever he’d brought with him and then he walked toward the door. Sighing heavily, he closed the door and went back downstairs. I laid there for a few minutes, listening to his heavy footfalls on the stairs, until my tears finally stopped. Gingerly, trying not to awaken the pain in my back and legs, I sat up on the side of the bed finally seeing that he had brought in a small table and set up a plate and a carafe of wine. It was simple and thoughtful.
    I sighed and began to eat.
    We stayed in the house for another few days while my back and legs continued to heal, mostly because of their care. Finally on Monday, Connor called to let Jayden know that my new room was ready. The „invalid’s room’, I thought to myself scathingly. Jayden and Lexi stayed in the house with me in Jayden's room, I presumed. What little time we spent together, we spent in awkward silence with them glancing between each other frequently. I felt like a terminal patient and they were waiting by my bedside for me to die. Maybe I was, because I certainly felt dead inside.
    Nicole had hired a caretaker for my house to look after things while I was staying with Jayden and Lexi. With nothing to do, I found myself with unlimited time for thinking. I tried to occupy my mind with mundane tasks, but everything eventually came back to my spiraling depression. I hated the feeling. I would have rather felt nothing. The seething, festering self-loathing was so close to the surface that it even pervaded my dreams, not allowing me a good night’s sleep, which brought my lethargy to new heights.
    Finally, it was time to leave for Chicago. I had so many mixed feelings about going – fear, shame, resignation, and defeat were among the most prevalent, all swirling around in my head until I felt like I wanted to scream. Sitting in my room with the angry, rage filled music turned up so loud, it caused the pictures on the walls to vibrate. Not being able to hear myself gave me an excuse to sing with it at the top of my lungs – my own method of screaming without feeling like I’d lost my mind. It was a good release.
    For a while, it helped.
    Jayden had a car waiting for us at the airport when we arrived. My back and my legs were screaming after the torturously long plane ride, so Lexi had me lay on the seat opposite them in the limousine. had almost argued with her, but the pain was too powerful for me to have much fight. With Jayden’s jacket under my head as a makeshift pillow, I dozed for the half hour ride into the city.
    “Ethan….honey, wake up, we’re here.” Lexi’s voice pulled me from the superficial sleep that I’d been able to reach in the moving car. I sat up slowly, very careful of my tortured skin, watching the car come to a stop in front of a large three-story house. It was a beautiful brick walk-up, more compact than mine, but in an urban setting that wasn’t uncommon.
    The driver opened the door, and as I got out of the car, the front door opened revealing an extraordinarily hot guy. Honestly, there was no other way for me to describe him. Wearing nothing but a pair of old jean shorts, his chest was what I noticed first. Broad, sculpted, nicely defined muscles with dusky darker colored nipples, I felt myself come alive for the first time