51 Shades of Maggie, Liverpool Style Read Online Free Page A

about his arse in those chinos ... So, I put on my illuminous yellow miniskirt an my illuminous orange vest top with a blue suede belt to draw his eye down to the Muff area. I wanted to show him what I had that Mrs Robinson didn’t – sex appeal.
    When I got to his flat he said to me, ‘Margaret I want to take you out. On a proper date. A surprise.’
    â€˜A date? Where to? It’s early – the Red Lion’s closed.’
    An he said, ‘Come with me, I have called a taxi for us.’
    So we sauntered down the stairs an on to the street, an he had a fancy taxi waitin, a big silver Merc – not a mini cab with fag burns in the back seat and a dodgy drug dealer driving it. So he took a blindfold out an wrapped it round my eyes an I was worried that he was goin to whip me in front of all the tourists in Hope Street.
    An he said, ‘It’s a surprise. No peeking.’
    When Mr Big took the blindfold off we were sitting beside the big white Liverpool Bus Tour.
    At first I said, ‘A Liverpool tour? Mate I could give the fuckin tour.’ An then he said, ‘Trust me Margaret – it will be fun.’
    Then he smiled at me, one of those wicked smiles an I was moist, so I said, ‘Whores on tour it is.’
    So he pulled me on an winked at the driver, who said, ‘No one else on this tour please, it’s a private one.’
    An I said, ‘Private tour? My ma would be so proud of me!’ I felt dead important, like. An there was two big fat Americans standin at the bus stop with cameras round their necks an lookin miserable cos they’d to wait on the next bus, so I give them the fingers on the way past an said, ‘See you – yiz yankers.’
    Mr Big trailed me up to the top, an it was an open top bus so it was freezin. Passing the Liver Birds Building, he pulled me over on the seat and snogged the face off me. Everybody was staring at us, but I didn’t care. It was like that time in Ibiza, me and Big Sally-Ann were shagging some lads in the sea. Then their mums came and we had to scarper – look, we didn’t know they were only 14 – they had chest hair and hard-ons and everything!
    Then I stopped kissin Mr Big an said, ‘Oh Mr Big, I’ve never done it on the top of a bus before, only in the driver’s seat an against the side of one!’
    Then he said, ‘I’m hard, Margaret. You biting your lip like that is turning me on so much.’
    That was like a red rag to a bull, so going past the Mersey Tunnel, I opened the zip on his chinos an said, ‘What about a game of Hide the Sausage?’ Then I filled my gob up with him an he loved it!
    So there we were, with my head bobbin up an down on his middle leg, an he shouted, ‘What’s my name?’
    An I shouts, ‘Soooorrrrrrr!’ ( Sir ) – that’s what it sounded like with my mouth full.
    Then he shouted, ‘What’s your name?’
    An I shouted ‘ baaaaaalllllllll, coootttthhh mm kkknnooocccrrsss rrrr rrooonnnggnnnnnn !’ ( Bell, cos my knickers are ringin .)
    An then, when he was done, he sighed an said, ‘Now it’s your turn, Margaret.’ Then he flung me across the seat, whipped up my miniskirt, yanked off my thong, an flung it over the side of the bus. It landed on the steps of Liverpool Cathedral. I was mortified.
    Driving past Albert Dock, he had me from behind. I shouted ‘I’m King of the world!’ He says…
    He said, ‘Don’t you mean Queen?’
    I said, ‘You just concentrate on plunging your anchor in there.’
    Then when we were going past Liverpool Town Hall, there was a crowd of councillors standing outside and I couldn’t resist the opportunity so I mooned and shouted, ‘Hey ! Take a look at my manifest-hole!’
    Then, on the way off the bus, we passed a couple of fat Yanks and I said to them, ‘Wouldn’t sit on the top, love – seats are a bit