Very LeFreak Read Online Free

from Cat.
    So later, at the age of nineteen, Very asked one of these tribe members—Ruth Goldberg, who walked into the study lounge on their dorm floor at ten in the morning on the day after Very’s birthday—what the experience had been like. “Hey, Ruth. Was your bat mitzvah, like, the best day ever in your life?”
    Ruth observed Very lying on the lounge sofa with a blanket over her body, a laptop visibly tucked under it. “Did you sleep in here last night, Very?”
    “Kinda.”
    “Why? Did you throw a loud party, so Jennifer kicked you out?”
    “Hardly!” In fact, Very had spent the night in the study lounge out of respect for Lavinia, who’d had trouble falling asleep while sleepless Very had been typing too aggressively on her laptop. Also, Lavinia often giggled in her sleep, along with snoring loudly, and since it was too tempting to wake her to say What’s so funny and am I involved? Very had decided to be a good roommate and give Lavinia some peace. Somebody ought to get a decent night’s sleep. Very said, “So this bat mitzvah thing. Was it great?”
    Ruth Goldberg said, “The memorization part was hard. The party after was pretty great, though, and having all my family there from all over was really special. The only bad part was when my cousin Jonathan decided to try to get my best girlfriend alone in a supply closet at the temple during my service, and her very loud shriek of ‘Ewww!’ was heard by everybody there, including my great-grandma with the hearing aid.”
    “But … did you feel closer to God?”
    “Who?”
    “G-o-d.”
    “Oh yeah, Him. Sure, I guess. I also felt closer to getting the really cute dress I’d been eyeing at Bloomingdale’s because of all the gift cards I received.”
    “Thank you, Ruth. You’ve been so helpful.”
    “If you really want to know about the experience, why not send out a meme? Get a broader perspective.”
    “Exactly!” Very said. She reached for her laptop, which had been resting on her stomach while she’d been resting her eyes, and typed her query into The Grid: “My Jewish sisters and brothers. Please, tell me your tales of mitzvah-ing circa your thirteenth year.” Very closed the laptop, covered it with the blanket, and moved her sleep mask down from her forehead to cover her eyes. She hoped to get a few moments of shut-eye before returning to the laptop to read the sure-to-have-accumulated responses that would fill the gap in her Judaic knowledge, and do so in a warm, anecdotal way rather than through some sterile textbook accounting of the details.
    “Very,” Ruth said.
    “Hmm?”
    “Are you really trying to sleep in here? This is a study lounge. I came in here to study. Other people will come in here to study.”
    Very’s hand gave Ruth the thumbs-up. “Okay by me.”
    Ruth Goldberg said, “It’s hard to talk in here if you’re trying to sleep. A friend was going to meet me in here to review for a Biology quiz.”
    “You won’t bother me,” Very chirped, completely unaware that it was she who’d be bothering Ruth, and not the other way around. “Thanks, though!”
    Amanda Yamaguchi arrived in the study lounge next. “Very! I’d recognize that hair even with the sleep mask over your eyes. Sorry I missed your b-day party over the weekend. Is there going to be a makeup party?”
    “Possibly a Thursday party this week,” Very said. “Lavinia is doing some research study for her Psychology class—you know, one of those deals where participants get, like, five dollars to fill out a survey about their masturbation habits or something. But it’s surprisingly hard to get people to show up for these things even when they’ve signed up in advance, so I might throw a party for anyone who does it, and then everyone can pool their five bucks, and one person—say, the best karaoke-er of the night—will win the loot. Like a lottery, but with beer. I haven’t quite worked out the details, but check The Grid. I’ll post there as