The Stag and Hen Weekend Read Online Free Page B

while.’
    ‘You know her,’ said Phil, ‘she’s always fine. Whether it’s being the only girl from our school to get into grammar school or the first member of the family to go to university, that girl always lands on her feet.’
    ‘She seeing any one?’
    Phil studied his friend. ‘Why the interest? You’re not trying to palm that idiot brother of yours off on her again are you?’
    ‘Have you any idea how much that “idiot” is making these days as a fully qualified barrister? Only last week he was telling me how he was test driving a Ferrari!’
    ‘And you think that would impress Caitlin? Honestly, mate, you have no idea of the kind of guy she goes for. I wouldn’t be surprised if she turned up with a proper “A” list celebrity the next time we go to Mum and Brian’s for Sunday lunch. She’s done the rich thing, now she wants them rich and famous.’
    Before Simon could reply there was a sharp tug on his trousers and they were halfway down his thighs exposing his expensive designer underwear to the world. Frantically pulling up his trousers he spun around angrily to see Reuben, Deano, Spencer and Degsy (all dressed in black suits and ties) bent double in hysterics.
    ‘Do that again and I’ll knock you out,’ threatened Simon in a doomed attempt to wrest back his dignity.
    ‘Mate,’ sniggered Deano, ‘it was just too good an opportunity to pass up. You know we love you really.’
    ‘Yeah, I bet,’ replied Simon peering over Deano’s shoulder. ‘And right now there’s a copper with a high-vis vest coming this way who looks like he wants in on the joke.’
    A look of horror spread across their faces, all the more amusing for the lack of an actual policeman. Suitably chastened Deano and the boys immediately shed their adolescent skin and acting more like grown men who had jobs, mortgages and responsibilities, joined Phil and Simon in the queue.
    Phil had known them all in one capacity or another for years. Reuben had been one of Simon’s oldest friends from school and as such had inevitably become one of Phil’s closest friends too. Spencer was the former assistant manager of Phil’s Nottingham store who now worked as a rep for an electronic goods distribution company and had recently separated from his long-term girlfriend. Deano was an old friend from the cricket team Phil used to play with back in his early twenties who along with his ex-wife ran the Horses, an up-market pub and bistro that the six friends often frequented. And finally Degsy was Phil’s oldest school friend who, having followed many different career paths over the years, was currently trying his hand at painting and decorating while trying to win back the mother of his two kids. All six were part of an irregular five-a-side (it was a rare week if all six of them turned up at the same time) team called the Beeston Wanderers who played once a week at the local sports centre.
    After what felt like a lifetime they finally reached the front of the queue and one by one checked on to the flight. En route to the departure gate they were all casually engaged in separate conversations with Phil and Spencer chatting about work, Deano and Simon talking about a couple of films Simon had watched and Degsy and Reuben talking football, but before they reached the escalator that would take them up through to security Simon called them all to one side.
    ‘This is like school trips used to be back in the day!’ whined Degsy. ‘What’s up now headmaster?’
    Simon pulled out a Tesco carrier bag from his rucksack and theatrically dropped his phone in it. ‘This is what’s up.’
    Reuben laughed. ‘Are you going to do a trick?’
    ‘Nope,’ said Phil reading his friend’s mind. ‘I think he wants us all to hand over our phones.’
    Reuben made it clear that he wasn’t going to comply. ‘No, can do,’ he said firmly. ‘I told the missus she’d be able to call me any time.’
    ‘Which is exactly why I want us all to leave them