The Stag and Hen Weekend Read Online Free Page A

mean,’ said Phil. ‘I’m as up for a laugh as the next man but it seems a bit of a waste coming all the way out here just to drink beer and watch bored couples have soulless sex for public consumption.’ Phil laughed. ‘If that’s what you’re after we could save ourselves the airfare, nip into town at throwing out time and stand outside the Ritzy.’
    Simon eyed his friend suspiciously. ‘Are you saying you want to visit an art gallery or two while we’re out there? It’s a stag do, not a school trip!’
    ‘And don’t I know it! All I’m saying is, given that I’ve never been there before, I wouldn’t mind actually seeing some of it if the opportunity comes up.’
    ‘Well if it does I’ll let you know, okay?’ said Simon, ‘But I’m pretty sure there won’t be enough time. Anyway, to be honest mate you’re not missing much. I went there when I was a student and it wasn’t all that. Okay, so there’s Van Gogh and his Sunflowers, Anne Frank’s house, tulips, clogs, Edam and a bunch of canals. But let’s face it, even back when pretending to be “into” culture might have got you the girl, the best thing about the place was getting off your face and checking out the red-light area. Say what you like about Amsterdam as a city of culture, but any place where you can smoke pot and drink world class beer has got to be the number one destination for a stag do. It’s the Las Vegas of Europe, only without any annoying Yanks to take the edge off things.’
    Phil laughed. ‘I’ve known you way too long to think for a minute that you’re that ignorant.’
    ‘People change,’ said Simon shrugging. ‘You might not like it. They might not like it. But it happens all the time.’
    The queue surged forward as a large extended family featuring at least four different generations was beckoned to the check-in desk. Phil and Simon picked up their bags and moved forwards to take up the slack and yet another silence descended.
    Simon nudged his friend in the overly jocular fashion that a schoolboy might try to coax another schoolboy out of a black mood. ‘So, come on then, what else is on your mind?’
    Phil frowned. He was sure that he’d snap out of his mood soon but all this attention really wasn’t helping matters. ‘How do you mean?’
    ‘You said you had a few things on your mind. Unless I’ve miscounted your dad is only one.’
    ‘Well, the other is my kid sister.’
    ‘Caitlin? What’s she done?’
    ‘Nothing yet ,’ replied Phil, ‘but that could have changed by Monday morning. Helen invited her to the hen weekend.’
    ‘Oh that,’ said Simon. ‘I thought she was winding you up with something new. That spat with Helen’s been going on for ages hasn’t it? Why are you suddenly worried about it now?’
    ‘Because this is different,’ said Phil. ‘Normally I’m around to referee before the claws come out but who knows what’ll happen without me there? I can feel it in my gut. Trouble is brewing. Caitlin can be pretty bitchy when she wants to be and Helen . . . well once she gets her back up . . .’
    Simon laughed. ‘Remember that time when the four of us went to V festival and that drunk bird kept deliberately bumping into her?’ Simon winced comically. ‘Now that was a tongue-lashing and a half! I bet that girl gets flashbacks even now!’
    ‘Exactly,’ said Phil, ‘so imagine what it would be like being at the receiving end of a tongue-lashing that’s been eight years in the making.’ Simon did his comedy wince again and this time it provoked the beginnings of a smile. ‘See what I mean? It’s too much to even contemplate.’
    ‘Still,’ he continued, ‘I can’t imagine Caitlin getting into anything with Helen the week before the wedding. It’s too important.’
    Phil grudgingly conceded his friend’s point. ‘I suppose not. If they did my mum would have a right go at the pair of them.’
    ‘How’s Caitlin doing anyway?’ asked Simon. ‘Haven’t seen her for a