The Mystery of the Mystery Meat Read Online Free Page A

put away his watch and pointed toward the rusty iron gates of the cemetery. “Now, go home and put him in that coma. And when I call for you, come back to me for more instructions. I will summon you with a special secret code to let you know that I want you. Like spies.”
    He thought a moment, and then he looked at the gravestone she had been gnawing on. Then he smiled. “The code words will be
Sweeny Burton
.”
    “Sweeny Burton,” she replied, and something about that name bothered her. She tried to think about what it was, but she was too hypnotized. “Yes, Horatio Snickering III.”
    As she trundled off, something stopped her dead in her tracks.
    “Horatio Snickering III?” she asked, turning to him with fear in her eyes. She was trembling.
    “What is it, Pretty?” He sounded impatient.
    “You so stopping the madness—bad men finished, eat their eyeballs! But then Pretty so hypnotized, forever and ever and ever and ever and ev—”
    “Calm down, Pretty. Of course. I see your point.We need an
out
word so that when our work together is finished, you can be released from my power.” He scratched his head. “Let me think for a moment. Okay, I have it. When I say the words
the end
, you will no longer be hypnotized. Okay, my dear?”
    “Okay, Horatio Snickering III.”
    And she left to do her master’s bidding.

    Still floating off the snowy ground with love-struck happiness, Freekin came home from Lilly’s house. Scary was in his bedroom. Pretty was not.
    “Where’s Pretty?” he asked the little shape-shifting phantom.
    “Wazeekiwakizi,”
Scary replied. He didn’t speak English, and Freekin didn’t speak Phantomese. Scary turned into a big question mark, then changed back into himself and shook his head.
    “Hey, Scary, please be careful,” Freekin admonished him. “I could get in huge trouble if anyone saw a question mark in my bedroom. Question marks are just as illegal as questions in Snickering Willows. And I don’t ever want to get in trouble again. I just want to kiss Lilly and be a regular guy.”
    “Woodiwoodi,”
Scary fretted as he moved from the window to the mirror hanging on the inside of Freekin’sopen closet door and changed into a question mark again. He stared at himself—Freekin saw his little eyes blinking in the center of the floating mark—and then he giggled and changed into Pretty.
    “Wow, that’s amazing,” Freekin said.
    Scary swirled his brand-new tentacles in a half circle as he turned around and waved at Freekin.
    “Hiya,” he said, mimicking Pretty’s voice. It was incredible; he was a dead ringer for his best friend.
    The kitties went nuts, rushing and tumbling toward Scary-Pretty like a river of fur. He changed into a Welsh corgi—one of his very favorite transformations, wagging his tail and licking the first kitty who reached him—Baby Tomato, the first cat Pretty had acquired and her number-one little sweetie.
    Next he morphed into a bat and flew over to the window. He babbled something in Phantomese and waved a black, leathery wing at Freekin.
    “Are you going to look for Pretty?” Freekin asked him.
    “Zibu,”
Scary said. Freekin knew that meant yes.
    “Okay, be careful,” Freekin said. Scary blew him a little bat kiss and flapped away into the darkness.
    Freekin picked up his guitar and strummed the chord progression for his new song, “Cheerleader Queen.”Then he sang the song he had written for Pretty.
    She’s a little monster, yeah,
    But she’s my little monster, yeah.
    Calms me when I’m feelin’ fears,
    Has tentacles and ponytail ears,
    She so Pretty.
    He sang the next verse.
    Her spinning eyes can freak you out.
    Sometimes she rotates while she shouts.
    Mess with my monster, I’ll knock you out!
    She’s a little monster, yeah.
    But she’s my little monster, yeah.
    She so Pretty.
    After about half an hour, Pretty’s face appeared in the window. Freekin brightened and put down his guitar. She had slithered across the branch of the