The Illustrated Mum Read Online Free

edge of her bed but no mound under the cover, no foot poking out palely from beneath the sheet.
    “She'll be curled up in a ball, legs tucked up. That's why you can't see her. She always sleeps like that. Go and
look
,” I whispered.
    I stood still for more than a minute. Then I whispered her name. Nothing. I stepped into her room. It was empty. I knew it was empty with one glance but Ipulled the covers back, I lifted the pillow, as if she might be curled so small she could be hiding underneath. I looked under the bed and felt for her there with my hands. I rolled little dustballs in my fingertips, breathing very quickly, wondering what on earth to do next.
    I looked in the bathroom and loo. I went into the kitchen to see if she could be there, my mind conjuring up a crazy image of Marigold making toast, hours early for breakfast. The kitchen was empty. The tap dripped, plink plink plink. None of us knew how to change the washer. I stood watching it, blinking in time until my eyes blurred.
    I went back to Star. She was still under the covers but I could tell by her breathing that she was wide awake and listening.
    “She's not back.”
    Star sat up. I heard her swallow. I could almost hear the buzz of her thoughts.
    “Look in the loo,” she said.
    “I have. She's not anywhere.”
    “What's the time?”
    “It's half past five.”
    “Oh,” Star sounded frightened too now. “Well. Maybe … maybe she's not planning on getting back till breakfast.”
    “Star. What if … what if she doesn't come back?”
    “She will.”
    “But what if something bad has happened to her?” “
She's
the one who does bad things,” said Star. She reached out and caught hold of me by the wrist. “Come on. She'll be all right. She's probably met some guy and she's with him.”
    “But she wouldn't stay out all night long,” I said, scrabbling into her bed beside her.
    “Well, she has, hasn't she? Hey, you're freezing.”
    “Sorry.”
    “Never mind. Here.” Star pressed her warm tummy against my back and made a lap for me with her legs. Her arms went round me tight and hugged me.
    “Oh, Star,” I said, crying.
    “Shhh. Don't get my pillow all wet and snotty.”
    “She
is
all right, isn't she?”
    “She's all wrong wrong wrong. But she'll be back any minute now, you'll see. We'll go back to sleep and then we'll wake up and the first thing we'll hear is Marigold singing one of her stupid songs, right?”
    “Yes. Right. I do like it when you're being nice to me.”
    “Well. It's no fun being nasty to you. It's like kicking Bambi. Let's try to sleep now.”
    “I love Bambi.” I tried to think of all the best bits in
Bambi
. I thought of Bambi frolicking with Flower with all the birds twittering and Thumper singingaway, tapping his paw. Then my brain flipped to fast forward.
    “What?” said Star, feeling me stiffen.
    “Bambi's mother gets killed.”
    “Oh, Dol. Shut up and go to
sleep
.”
    I couldn't sleep. Star couldn't either, though she pretended at first. We turned every ten minutes, fitting round each other like spoons. I tried counting to a hundred, telling myself that Marigold would be back by then. Two hundred. Three hundred.
    I wanted my silk scarf but I'd left it in my bed. I put the end of the sheet over my nose instead and fingered the raised edge of the hem. It started to get lighter. I shut my eyes but in the dark inside my head there was a little television showing me all the things that might have happened to Marigold. It was so scary I poked the corner of the sheet in my eye. It hurt a lot but the television set didn't even flicker. I tried to hum so that I couldn't hear it. I banged my head on the pillow to see if I could switch it off that way.
    “What on earth are you doing?” said Star. “Just trying to get comfy.” “You're going about it in a funny way.” “It's to stop myself thinking stuff. It's so scary.” “Look. Let's tell each other really really scary stories. We'll think about that,