The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse Read Online Free

and a manger of hay will shortly be yours.'
    Anthrax, all but exhausted, plodded onward.
    'Listen,' said Jack. 'It's been a difficult day for the both of us. But you've got me here. I'll see you all right. You're a good horse. Hey, hey, what's that I see ahead?'
    What Jack saw ahead was this: a long, low building painted all in a hectic yellow. A sign, wrought from neon, flashed on and off, as such signs are wont to do. Words were spelled out by this sign. The words were
Nadine's Diner.
    'There,' cried Jack. 'An eatery.'
    If horses can sigh, then Anthrax did. And as they reached Nadine's Diner, Jack clambered down, secured Anthrax's reins to a post which may or may not have been there for the purpose, promised the horse food and drink, as soon as he had taken some for himself, squared up his narrow, sagging shoulders and put his hand to the restaurant door.
    The door was an all-glass affair, somewhat cracked and patched, but none the less serviceable. Jack pushed upon it and entered the establishment.
    It wasn't exactly a home from home.
    Unoccupied tables and chairs were arranged to no particular pattern. Music of an indeterminate nature drifted from somewhere or other. A bar counter, running the length of the long, low room, was attended by a single fellow, dressed in the manner of a chef. He viewed Jack's arrival with a blank expression — but a blank expression mostly shadowed, for several bulbs had gone above the bar and he obviously hadn't got around to replacing them.
    Jack steered his weary feet across a carpet that was much of a muchness as carpets went, but hardly much of anything as they might go. He squared up his shoulders somewhat more, squinted towards the dimly lit chef and hailed this fellow thusly:
    'Good evening to you, chef,' hailed Jack.
    'Eh?' replied the other in ready response.
    'A good evening,' said Jack. And, glancing around the deserted restaurant, 'Business is quiet this evening.'
    'Is it?' The chef cast his shadowed gaze over Jack. 'You're blue,' he observed. 'Why so this facial blueness? Is it some new whim of fashion from the House of
Oh Boy!
that I am hitherto unacquainted with? Should I be ordering myself a pot of paint?'
    'Inferior cap,' said Jack, taking off his inferior cap and wiping his face with it.
    'That's made matters worse,' said the chef.
    'Might I see a menu?’ Jack asked.
    The barlord scratched his forehead, then wiped his scratching hand upon his apron. 'Is that a trick question?' he asked. 'Because I can't be having with trick questions. Chap came in here a couple of weeks ago and said to me, "Do you know that your outhouse is on fire?" and I said to him, "Is that a trick question?" and he said to me, "No it isn't." And I was pleased about that, see, because I can't be having with trick questions. But damn me, if I didn't take a crate of empties outside about an hour later to find that my outhouse had been burned to the ground. What do you make of a thing like that, eh?' Jack shrugged.
    'And well may you shrug,' said the chef. 'So your question is not a trick question?'
    'No,' said Jack, 'it's not.'
    'That's fine then,' said the chef. 'How may I help you, sir?'
    'I'd like something to eat, if I may,' said Jack. 'And a stable for my horse and directions to where I might find a room for the night.'
    'God's Big Box,' said the barlord. 'It's want want want with you, isn't it? Were you breast-fed as a baby?'
    'I really can't remember,' said Jack.
    'Nor me.' The chef shook his head, which appeared to creak as he shook it. 'But then, I never was a baby. It's funny the things that slip your mind, though, isn't it?'
    Jack nodded politely. 'I'm dying from hunger,' he said. 'Please feed me.'
    'About half past seven,' said the chef.
    'Excuse me?' said Jack.
    'Oh, sorry,' said the chef. 'I've got a woodworm in my ear. It crawled in there last Tuesday. I've tried to entice it out with cheese, but it seems to be happy where it is.'
    'Food,' said Jack, pointing to his mouth. 'I've gold, I can