The Falling of Katja: an Erotic Romance (Anam Céile Chronicles) Read Online Free Page B

desperately, my very soul aches. 
    As
any imaginings of my life had always surrounded him, I cannot fathom what my
life will be now that he is not to be a part of it.  At first, it seemed
surreal, and I half expected him to come back for me and tell me he had changed
his mind and made a terrible mistake and we shall run away together this very
day.  Yet each day which goes by and still I have not seen him, I fall deeper
into despair.
    And
then, even in the midst of my despair, I find my mind drifting over the
solitary encounter we shared, reminiscing on how amazing he felt entering me,
being inside of me as our bodies united as one.  The mere thought of it
instigates my core to tighten, but also so does my heart clinch tighter in
sadness at the realisation of what will never be again.
    I
just cannot fathom the thought of never seeing him again.  Never gazing upon
his beautiful face, hearing his laugh, his low voice, feeling the softness of
his touch.  My mind refuses to accept it.  I do not know how I will ever be
able to move past this.  It is just not possible I can disremember him.  But
then, why would I wish to, besides?
    I can
scarcely eat, I sleep the days away in an attempt to escape the relentless
pain.  Yet when I close my eyes, the image of his face is lingering there
behind my eyelids, waiting for me, to haunt my dreams.  When my mother forces me
to eat something, my stomach is so queasy, it is fortunate if I keep it down.
    Finally,
after months of suffering this unrelenting nausea, my mother has insisted upon
taking me to the doctor.  After a rather thorough examination which quite
intruded upon my dignity, he gave his diagnosis of my affliction.
    “Lidmila,
I am fairly certain of what ails your daughter,” the doctor states grimly.
    Concern
straining her face, my mother probes, “Yes, doctor, what is it?”
     The
doctor’s face grows more grim.  “Katja is with child.”  He states the words
almost apologetically as though he had something to do with it.  Preposterous!
    With
child?  I am pregnant . 
    My
mother’s face falls as her eyes dart to me incredulously and then back to the
doctor.  “With child?  But how is such a thing possible?”
    The
doctor sighs heartily.  “I am not privy to that information, Lidmila.  I only
give the diagnosis.”  His eyes rest upon me sympathetically for a moment before
shifting back to my mother.  “I shall allow you a moment in private.”  With
that he exits the room, leaving me to face my Mother.
    Quietly,
she turns towards me, her eyes an amalgam of emotions as she glances down at my
abdomen, bewildered.  After what seems an eternity, at last she speaks. 
“Katja, how can this be?”
    I
shift uncomfortably in my chair, wondering how I can possibly tell her. 
Finally deciding there is no way around it, I just say it.  “The day I went to
meet… Štefan— the last time I saw him— I guess you might say our goodbyes took
a passionate turn.” 
    My
body wretches.  It pains me dreadfully to say the words, to feel his name upon my lips again, to bring his face to the forefront of my memory, to
remember the feel of him over my body.  I have tried so hard to numb my mind to
the memory of him, of that day, to convince myself it had never happened.  And
now, his child is growing within my belly.  How can I possibly go on denying it
now?
    “Oh
Katja, I am sorry.  I know how this must be affecting you right now when you
have been suffering such heartbreak over him already.  But still, how could you
be so foolish?”
    “It
was only once, Mother.  I never imagined this would happen.”  As I say the
words, there is a surreal quality to it all.  I realise it has yet to sink in. 
I am not sure when it will.  The idea feels utterly inconceivable to me. 
    A
child in my belly?
    She
smiles at me as though I am a naïve child.  “It only takes once, Katja.  You
were just unlucky enough for it to happen on your first