The Curious Incident at Claridge's Read Online Free

are a bore. Suggests the author has no trust in the reader’s intelligence.’ Payne clipped the end of the cigar and produced a box of matches. ‘Never cared much for Restoration comedies, myself. Did you?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜Don’t find Lady Wishfort or Lady Booby in the least comical. Old Dickens was as bad. He had a real weakness for that kind of satirical flag-posting. Mr Murd stone— Do-the-boys Hall. Then we have Evelyn Waugh and Miles Malpractice. Not terribly subtle, you are perfectly right. That sort of thing is all right in children’s books. I am sure Mr Nasty and Mr Nice keep toddlers chuckling in an amused enough manner.’
    â€˜Something that sounds like Maybrick Manor,’ said Antonia thoughtfully. ‘What could it be? Mayhem Manor? No—that’s worse. Were they both going to Maybrick Manor?’
    â€˜Only the old boy, or that was the impression Jesty got. “Tradescant” was the name the girl gave to the waiter when she ordered the cab. It would be interesting to know how exactly they are related, if at all. Oh, we also heard her refer to a “master”—she said it wouldn’t do to keep the master waiting, words to that effect.’
    â€˜A master ? ’
    â€˜Could be a master of hounds. Or a master of a college. Or perhaps some sinister religious order is behind it all?’ Payne held up his cigar. ‘We may discover that the old boy is a sacrificial victim. He is meant to collapse and expire at the feet of a mysterious masked figure known as “the Master” … Penelope and the Master are of course acting in cahoots …’
    â€˜What if Captain Jesty lied to you? His story of the capsule swap might have been a fabrication.’
    â€˜Some kind of malicious joke, you mean? Jesty’s … jest?’
    â€˜He may have decided to live up to his name … Is he good-looking?’
    â€˜What’s that got to do with anything?’
    â€˜Merely curious. Cads are usually good-looking.’
    â€˜He is not in the least good-looking. He’s got round eyes, brown hair and a silly little moustache. He looks annoyingly smug. Well, he seemed familiar with my penchant for puzzles, so a prank is possible, I suppose—though that wouldn’t explain Penelope’s guilty expression.’
    â€˜Didn’t you discuss the incident with any other of your brother officers?’
    â€˜No, of course not. Awful old buffers. They regard the Duke of Edinburgh as a cross between Maynard Keynes, Professor Moriarty and the Messiah. I don’t know why I go to these reunions, I really don’t. I always feel a little depressed when I come home.’
    â€˜You didn’t engage in a single meaningful discussion with anyone?’
    â€˜I am afraid not. There are more meaningful discussions taking place in the graveyard at midnight than at any regimental dinner I have ever attended.’ He rose. ‘I’m going to see if I could persuade Google to locate Maybrick Manor for me, or any similar-sounding houses. I also intend to look up “Tradescant”. It is a singular enough name. There can’t be that many. Wasn’t there a gardening family called Tradescant? There was also a Tradescant baronetcy, I seem to remember.’
    â€˜Hugh! Do change, please!’ Antontia called out after him.
    â€˜You can’t sit in front of the computer in your regimental uniform.’

4
    The House of the Lurking Death
    â€˜I may last another twenty years, Master,’ Sir Seymour Tradescant was saying. ‘Or even twenty-five, if I take care. I am not in bad health. Nothing really wrong with me. Heart, liver, blood pressure, all perfectly tickety-boo. If I strike you as a bit off-colour at the moment, it’s because of this damned abscess thing, so tiresome. My big toe, would you believe it. Thought it was gout at first, that’s why I didn’t have my toe seen to sooner. I