much he likes her by rubbing up against her legs the way he’s seen Sammie,
my cat, do over the years. The difference is that Max is a full-grown golden
retriever.
Maybe it’s not the sweet or sisterly thing to do, but as Naomi
loses her balance again, I just step out of the way and laugh.
“Where are the stupid treats?” she asks as she recovers
herself.
“Top of the fridge,” I
tell her. “Just give him one, though. He’s been a bit gassy.”
“You know, this is why
they say dogs are man’s best friend,
right?” she asks. “What guy wouldn’t love a gassy dog? That’s their version of
high-class entertainment.”
As Naomi makes her way to
the fridge, Max sits like a gentleman—or gentledog ,
as it were.
“Make him work for it,
though,” I tell her.
“What does he know how to
do?” she asks.
I return, “How long have
you lived here?”
She sighs and goes
through Max’s repertoire of known tricks before tossing him the treat. Max, now
with the small chunk of jerky-like treat in his mouth, quickly leaves the room.
“If you don’t call him,
I’m going to,” she says. “Where’s your phone?”
“You’re not calling him,”
I tell her.
“No,” she says, “ you’re not calling him. That’s the
problem I’m going to solve here in about thirty seconds. Seriously, where’s
your phone?”
“I lost it,” I lie.
“Bedroom?” she asks.
I don’t react.
A few years ago, I got
Naomi a year’s subscription to an online deception training program. It was
about the stupidest thing I ever did, but in my defense, how was I supposed to
know she’d sit down and learn this stuff?
“Bathroom?” she asks.
I don’t react.
“Is it in your purse?”
she asks.
I try not to react.
“Your purse it is, then,”
she says.
“Oh, come on,” I groan.
“You know the way that
corner of your mouth is twitching?” she says. “That’s called contempt. You
really should smile more, you see ?”
I smile with half my
mouth just to mess with her.
“Charming,” she says.
Lucky for me, I’ve dealt
with Naomi’s amateur lie detecting enough to know how to throw her off course.
Ever since that first night after I came home with his number, I’ve been hiding
my phone between my mattresses.
Naomi dumps out my purse
on the couch and glances over its
contents.
“Yeah, you should
probably start asking yourself if lying to your sister is one of those things
you want to have in your life,” she says. For her trouble, she opens my wallet
and takes out a twenty.
“Hey!” I protest and
cross the room.
She already has the cash
in her pocket by the time I’m over there.
“Give it back,” I tell
her. “You of all people know exactly how little money I can afford to throw
around, and I’m the one who pays the rent.”
“You’re
so freaking dramatic,” she says, taking the twenty back out of her pocket and
holding it out to me. I reach for it, but she pulls it away,
saying, “Talk to him.”
“Why is this so important
to you?” I ask. “You have to know it’s not like me going out with a rich guy is
going to benefit either of us.”
“You don’t know that
until you call him ,” she says.
I snatch the bill from
her hand and start gathering the mess that is the collected contents of my
purse. A moment later, Naomi is running toward my room.
“Later, sucka ,” she says as I’m still trying to get
back to my feet. My door is closed and locked before I can reach it.
The cretin planned this.
I knock on the door,
saying, “Open up. What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m doing you a favor!”
she says, and I can hear her inside tearing my room apart.
Running back into the
kitchen, I find and grab a butter knife before returning to my door. I put the
tip of the butter knife into the opening of the old lock and twist. The door
unlatches easily, and my normally tidy
room is now a hazmat area.
Naomi glances over at me but goes right back to her rummaging.
She hasn’t left me