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sigh, for this was the heart of my problem.
    I couldn’t give in to those normal kinds of wants and desires that most girls have.  Having a husband and two-point-four kids wasn’t in my future, no matter how much my dad wanted it for me, or how much Desmond Thorne would be willing to fulfill the role of making it happen for me, either.  Let’s not be greedy, Gabrielle .  You’ve used up your allotted credits.
    Tonight’s fresh hell had showed me, yet again, how much that was true.
    “ I don’t want you going back there until the whole place has been given the all clear,” my dad said firmly, probably in an effort to change the topic.
    Not a problem.  Hell, I doubted if I’d ever be able to go into the National Gallery again and not think abo ut what I’d done with a complete stranger.
    “I won’t, Dad dy.”
    “That’s my good girl.  I can’t have you putting yourself at risk.  Think what your mum would’ve had to say to me about it.”
    “Yeah… ,” I managed to whisper.
    Just the mention of her made a raw wave of pain rush at me.  I struggled to hold back the flood ready to spill over.
    “Now I’ve upset you, my darling, and I am so sorry.”  My dad was straight -up hard line with most things, but when it came to his kids, and even the memory of my mother, he was very tenderhearted.  He was a wonderful parent to me, and the fault wasn’t anything he did wrong.
    Nothing other than the fact he wasn’t a woman.  He wasn’t a mother.  He wasn’t my mother.
    My dad was a brilliant father, but sometimes a girl just needed her mom, and right now really felt like one of those times.
    “It’s okay, Dad.  I just miss her and sometimes I need someone to talk to abou—I mean —I just wish I could ask her for some advice—”  I stopped blabbering, realizing how hurtful my words sounded.  I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but I’m sure I just had.
    “And I’m no substitute, am I?” he asked quietly.
    “No—Dad, it’s not you at all.  You’re always there for me, and you always have been.  I love you and you’re all I’ve got.”
    “That’ s never true, Gaby.  You have your sister and brother, and your mum is still watching over all of you from heaven as she always will be.”
    “I know —”
    “And it’s normal for you to miss her , darling.  I am very aware I’m just a useless old man but I am capable of listening…and I want you to know you can come to me to talk about anything at all.  I might still be totally useless to you, but I do love you and want you to be happy.”
    “I know you do, Dad.  And you’re never useless.  Forget what I said before.  I’m the one that’s useless right now.  I think I need to get more sleep.”   I tried to make light of my situation.
    “ Now there’s something I can endorse.  Get more sleep and I’m sure you’ll feel a great deal better in no time.”
    Right, Dad.  More sleep is so going to help me with my “problem.”
    Spoken like a true man.  I’d given him an out and he grabbed onto it as quickly as he could.  My poor father was trying to be a rock of support to me, but he just didn’t have the right equipment, a vagina of course, to do it.
    He did everything well, but again, he was a man, and he was not my mom.
    Despite his sweet offer to help me unburden my worries, if he knew the real reason for my depression right now, then “sweet” would be the last thing my dad was.  He would want Mr. Ivanhoe’s balls and probably his neck, too.  Repeatedly.
    There are many things I can share with my father, but tonight’s escapade was definitely not one of them.
    And my tears were just that much closer to spilling over.
    I hauled myself into the shower a fter saying goodbye to him.  As soon as I was under the warm spray, I let the tears loose in a torrent that did little to cleanse the stains that shone on my soul.  I had been weak tonight just as I had been weak before.  Nothing much had changed in me.  I