Pretend You Love Me Read Online Free Page B

I hate smoking pot; it makes me sleepy and gives me a headache. Does it do that to you?”
    I was so enthralled in watching her body language, the way her lips moved, her eyebrows danced, her eyes expressed every word,
     that I’d tuned out the content. I suddenly noticed the quiet, her staring at me. “Huh?” I said.
    “Oh, never mind.” She shook her head. “You’re so removed from the real world, you’ve probably never even gotten stoned.”
    “Yeah, I have,” I said. “Once. With Jamie.” Once was enough.
    “Who’s she?” Xanadu asked. She wiggled her eyebrows. “Your girlfriend?”
    I choked. “Not hardly.”
    Xanadu leaned back, propping herself on her elbows. She raised one leg, the one closest to me, and bent it so that her knee
     was eye level with my face. Her legs were unbelievably long. And smooth. She must shave, I thought. Well, duh. Most girls
     shaved. Femme girls.
    “The ecstasy was bad. I admit that. But everybody does it. That or dust. But dust’ll mess you. You don’t want to do dust.
     You have to do E, though. I didn’t think it was dangerous or anything. Not until…” Her voice changed. “Until…”
    I twisted my head around to look at her.
    She swallowed hard and met my eyes. “Until Tiffany died.”
    “What?” I shot up straight and whirled on my butt. “Someone died?”
    “God.” Xanadu’s head lolled back. She closed her eyes and released a thin, shallow breath.
    “What happened?” I asked.
    Through the globs of mascara, a tear glistened on her eyelashes. She hunched forward in a ball, clutching both knees to her
     chest and rocking a little. “I didn’t know her that well,” she said. “Tiffany. She was a senior. It was her birthday party
     at her house, her eighteenth birthday. Her parents weren’t even there. Okay, that doesn’t matter. Even if there are adults
     around, someone always manages to sneak in a bag of E and sell it. Maybe it was a bad batch or something. I don’t know. Tiffany
     took too many. Who knows? She just passed out in the bathroom and everyone was too scared to call 911. Someone should have
     called, you know? They waited an hour. A whole fucking hour.” Xanadu exhaled a long breath. “By the time the paramedics arrived,
     she was already in a coma.”
    I was trying to absorb all this. Tiffany, ecstasy, coma.
    “I can’t believe she died.” Resting her cheek on her kneecap, Xanadu picked up a chunk of horse chow and flung it off the
     side. “None of us could. I mean, God. I’ve never known anyone who died. Have you?”
    My stomach clenched.
    “You have?” She lifted her head and looked at me, through me.
    “A couple of people,” I said.
    “It’s freaky, isn’t it? It makes you realize, you could be next. That it could happen anytime, anywhere. Without warning.”
    No warning.
    “Mom and Dad got all I-don’t-know-you-anymore, how-could-you-do-this-to-us?” Xanadu mocked in a sing-songy voice. “I don’t
     know how they even found out I was at the party. Or who told them I was doing E. Mom went ballistic, of course. She was ready
     to turn me over to the authorities and, like, have them put me in lockdown. Whatever.” Xanadu released her legs and stretched
     them out in front of her. “She always overreacts. Is your mom like that?”
    I let out a laugh.
    “What?”
    “Nothing.” I hunched forward.
    “Come on. I just revealed my whole life to you.”
    She was right. I never talked about my stuff. Who cared? “I’d be happy if my mom
could
react,” I muttered.
    Xanadu’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
    Why’d I say that? I couldn’t do this. Not yet. “Forget it.” My eyes raked the ground and I twisted away from her.
    Xanadu said, “I’m sorry. I talk too much.”
    In my peripheral vision, I saw her gaze out across the fields into the deepening sky.
    “No,” I said. “It’s just, I don’t want to go there. I’m sorry.”
    She nodded. “That’s fine. You don’t have to. You don’t even