Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD Read Online Free Page A

yourself saying and doing
things to your child which you know you shouldn't.
    But this does not makeyou a bad parent- just a normal parent under extreme stress.
Being snappy and negative about your child is symptomatic of the ADD
situation, not the cause of it.
    You are not to blame
    In my clinical work I have found that the truth is precisely the opposite of all
these myths.

    The parents I see are good, capable people who have their child's interests
at heart. They do not differ from other parents in their level of skills,
tolerance or patience. They are simply facing tougher problems than most
because ADD can be a parenting nightmare. Parenting an ADD child can place
extreme stress on a family. Parents don't experience the rewards of seeing
their child do as he is told, learn by example or respond to normal praise.
Over the last ten years I have been amazed by the tenacity and patience that
parents have shown with children whose behaviour would test a saint!
`Normal' good parenting just doesn't work on ADD kids. Their parents need
extra-special skills to manage their behaviour, but it is not the parents' fault if
they don't have them. I look at it this way ... when your baby was born you
were not to know that you were going to have to learn all you now know
about ADD. An ADD child's tendency to be overactive, to do things without
thinking, to require constant reminders, to appear not to listen, to forget something that he was told two minutes earlier, to act on his impulses even
though he has been told a hundred times not to, make it impossible to use
the usual ways of parenting in a positive way.

    Typical parent of an ADD child

    How to stop feeling guilty
    What parents need to hear is what they are doing right.
    Think about all the things you are doing right. First, you love your child. I
believe that the battles between ADD children and their parents are almost
always an expression of love on the part of the parents. For example, parents
insist on things like talking quietly, not fidgeting and not running about so as
to ensure their child's acceptance in the world of adults - where, rightly or
wrongly, people will judge children by such things. Giving children an
experience of discipline and limits is a way of helping them develop
self-control. It is a loving act. A child needs to know that showing respect for
others gets respect in return.
    Second, you have stuck by your child. Because few people understand the
full extent of ADD behaviour they judge too quickly. Very few parents of
ADD children are ever given the credit they are due for having coped as well
as they have; for not having given up - though they may well have been
tempted to. In difficult circumstances, you are still battling to make changes
for the sake of your child and your family.
    Third, you have taken a major step forward by reading this book and
being motivated to `have a go'. You will have done even better if you take
action and persevere and make real progress. The programme will help you
to achieve this.
    Last, you are equipping yourself to become an expert on handling ADD.
    TIPS FOR SUCCESS
    • Believe in yourself.
    Trust in your ability to bring about change.
    Remember that you have all the qualifications you need to turn this
problem around. Your motto from now on should be: `The past
does not equal the future.'
    Need reminding of this? Read this section again whenever you
catch yourself giving yourself a hard time.

     

    Golden Rule No. 2: Be prepared to change
    ADDapt is about change - change in the way you and your child behave.
This kind of change is always hard. I am asking you to face the challenge of
doing things differently.
    However, I cannot stress enough that asking you to change does not
imply that you have been a terrible parent or an inadequate person. And the
fact that I am asking you to try some new ways of doing things does not
mean I think you have been stupid or negligent because