My Holiday in North Korea Read Online Free

their best to keep your movements restricted to the official tourist routes, and almost everything is staged, and the following photographic subjects are strictly forbidden:
     
anyone in the military
traffic ladies
stores
empty shelves in stores
people waiting in lines of any kind
errant litter
normal people outside your regular propaganda tour (unless you ask permission)
anything that isn’t staged (i.e., anything unscripted or unplanned that accidentally happens during your propaganda tour)
anything your handler thinks you think will make a great photo
me eating dinner in the banquet hall of the Koryo Hotel.
    Conversely, you are not allowed to take photos of anything outside of Pyongyang without prior authorization from your handlers or local guides because the rest of the country is a primitive, third-world shithole. You will entertain yourself devising ways to thwart this.
    14. Everyone in North Korea lies to you about everything, all the time. Doesn’t matter what, who, or why, or whether it’s small stuff or big stuff. And when they aren’t outright lying to you, they’re either purposely unclear, or evasive—or if they really object to what you’re asking or saying, they’ll just pretend you aren’t talking or they can’t hear you.
    Cut to: Older Handler, Fresh Handler, and Wendy standing in the driveway of the Koryo Hotel, waiting for Driver to pull the car up. It’s raining.
ME: Sad. It’s raining.
OLDER HANDLER: Very lucky. Nice sunny day.
ME: It’s raining.
OLDER HANDLER: No.
ME: Yes, it’s raining. See?
OLDER HANDLER, tight smile.
    15. Everything in NoKo is the same everywhere. Everyone wears the same 1950s-era clothing or uniforms. All the local guides have the same hairstyles and speak in the same urgent whisper. All the buildings have the same basic decor. It’s all the same marble, the same wall coverings, the same chairs, the same tablecloths, the same bicycles, the same uniforms, the same smiling portraits of the dead Great Leaders, the same bowls and the same beer.
    16. Bring only small-denomination bills as spending money—euros, RMB, or U.S. dollars will do—because there is no change in North Korea. By small, I mean small . By no change, I mean no change . Even so, more than once I was given bottled water as change for small-denomination bills.
    17. Whether you’re on an independent tour, as I was, or a scheduled group tour like most everyone else, everything you do in North Korea is nearly flawlessly scheduled in advance by the Korean International Travel Company (KITC). The company meticulously plans for and prepares every detail of your hour-by-hour itinerary with military precision, making sure everything is in place and everyone is on script, so you will leave North Korea believing it’s the best place on Earth. They are the ultimate event planners. Whether it’s a tour of the Fatherland Liberation War Museum or a visit to an orphanage, the KITC has it covered. But, as you actually are on Earth, interruptions will occur, and when they do, DISCUSSIONS will be had. The length and severity of said DISCUSSIONS are wholly dependent on the nature of the anomaly. Arrive someplace and the local guide is sitting down instead of standing up: a threatening grunt or two will do, as the guide jumps to his or her feet like the chair has suddenly caught fire. Wendy deciding at breakfast she doesn’t want to go to the town of Sinchon to visit the Sinchon Museum of American War Atrocities: CODE RED! DIS-CUSS-IONS! And since there are no cars on the roads, or lines to contend with anywhere, the KITC can control time, too, choosing to schedule start times on less commonly used increments like 7:55 a.m., 1:35 p.m., or 6:55 p.m.
    18. There is no need to account for lines or crowds, because no place is crowded, because no one is there. Okay, sometimes people are there, but it’s never one or two people or a small group of friends just casually hanging out talking or taking in the sights. It’s a