Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc Read Online Free

she did, but
    she also asked why I had done it.
    Of course, I couldn't tell her the truth. Seriously, how could I tell my own twin that I
    lusted after her? So, I settled on a stupid lie. I told her that I’d drunk some Scotch I'd stolen
    from my parents' liquor cabinet, and I’d mistaken her for someone else.
    Lily wasn't naïve; I knew that. She was so smart, and she liked to investigate everything.
    She was always following the evidence to uncover the truth about whatever she wanted to
    know.
    Guess she got that from Henry.
    Even so, she didn't ask anything further, and I didn't know why. Did I want anything
    else but that, though? No! Either she bought it or she didn't; it was fine with me either way
    as long as she didn't ask any more questions or cause me to hate myself even more than I
    already did.
    After that, we kind of got back to our "normal." Well, from her side we did, but not
    from mine. We talked to each other like nothing had ever happened between us; we … or
    rather she preferred to ignore it. Even so, I saw it in her eyes when she avoided my touch
    every time I came closer to her, which I did very rarely . I missed how we were before that
    summer.
    Me? I didn't say much, but when she started a conversation, I couldn't make eye contact
    with her most of the time. I couldn't talk to her about anything the way I used to—back
    when I could tell her everything—before that bikini happened.
    I hated it so much more than anyone could even imagine. I knew since that first time I
    masturbated while thinking of her that I'd lost my sister—or at least my feelings that I'd had
    for her as a sister… Or, maybe, those feelings were still there, but were mixed with lust and
    desire.
    Fuck!
    I didn't know. The worst thing was that the only person I could ever have heart-to-heart
    talks with was the last one I could talk to about what was bothering me most. I spent so
    many days, weeks, and even months wondering why ? Why had this happened to us? To us
    among of all of siblings? Why me and her? I loved her the most, and I knew she felt the
    same way, so why did it have to be ruined by the fucking lustful ache that I held for her?
    Fucking why?
    I never got an answer.
    One whole year passed in this exact same fashion. I tried to keep as little of her
    company as I could, and she tried to pretend nothing had ever happened between us. She
    changed, and I don't just mean her body, which had become that of a more desirable woman
    with every new day. No, her actions towards me changed, too.
    She never slept in my room again, never held my hand while we took walks, never lay
    on my lap while we watched movies. She pretty much made every effort to avoid touching
    me.
    She might've been talking with me like before, still laughing with me, making me laugh,
    or even laughing at me. Maybe she acted like it was all fine, but I knew she never forgot what
    I did. Maybe part of her didn't actually forgive me as she’d said.
    All I could do was just wait for the days to pass—not knowing where I'd go with this or
    if I'd ever be able to not desire her that much (or even at all if that was possible).
    That year passed with me doing nothing more than jerking off. Sometimes, because of a
    new top or new blouse she wore, sometimes because she bent down to pick up something
    from the floor and put that delicious ass of hers right in front of my eyes to ogle, and other
    times simply because of the scent of her shampoo or a sweet smile she had given me.
    Oh, the smile…
    I could still see it like it had just happened a moment ago. Like we were still in the water
    with my arms surrounding her and hers surrounding me. There was that second when she
    looked up at me and flashed me that perfect smile; I almost drooled, but instead, I pressed
    my lips to hers.
    Fuck it! I could still taste her.
    I brought my fingertips up to touch my lips at the thought, remembering the feeling of
    those delicate lips on them, and how it—
    "What are you