Mercury Shrugs Read Online Free Page A

would backstab Gurien.”
    Drekavac began to pound his forehead with his fist.
    As the bickering continued, Azrael turned to face Lucifer again. “All right, point taken,” he said. “You wouldn’t want to rely on these guys for a delicate operation.”
    “Precisely,” said Lucifer. “It has to be you, Azrael.”
    Azrael sighed, glancing at Malcazar, who was now halfway across the cavern and getting closer. “What do we do after we get past you-know-who? Even if we get out, we’re still stuck in Heaven. The planeport was destroyed.”
    “I’ll find us a way off this plane,” said Lucifer. “Overcoming the Balderhaz Cube is the hard part. The rest is cake.”
    “What about these guys?” said Azrael, indicating the demons behind them. “Do we have to take them with us?”
    “Unfortunately,” said Lucifer, with a distasteful glance at the group of bickering demons, “we’re going to need them. Balderhaz has an old lab not far from here where we can hole up and work on getting off this plane. I don’t think the authorities know about it, but if they find us we’ll need some demons to play defense.”
    Azrael nodded. Outside the Celestial City, the plane known as Heaven was largely uninhabited, and technically construction of anything larger than a thousand square cubits outside the city limits violated Heaven’s notoriously strict zoning ordinances. Some leeway had always been given to the eccentric genius Balderhaz, however, and it was rumored that centuries ago he had set up an underground laboratory in the hills a few miles away.
    “How is it you know where this lab is, when the authorities never found it?” asked Azrael.
    “I’ve got better intelligence than they do,” Lucifer replied. “Even in here. More foresight as well. I knew Balderhaz had built secret labs on dozens of planes, and some time ago I put some effort into locating as many of them as I could, in case the information ever became useful.” [5]
    “So your plan is to hide out in Balderhaz’s cave while we build a portal to escape Heaven,” said Azrael. “You know they’re going to send every angel they can find after us, right? You really think this gang of idiots can hold them off?”
    “Not for long,” said Lucifer, “but they can buy us enough time to get off this plane. Balderhaz’s lab should have everything we need to build a portal generator. We just need a few days to put it together.” Lucifer glanced through the bars at Malcazar, who continued to approach, now whirling the flaming sword in front of him. Behind Lucifer, the demons continued to bicker.
    “His name is Valbard the Destroyer!” Gurien snapped. “If you’re going to backstab my character, at least use his name.”
    “Fine,” said Pazusu. “Pongo backstabs Valbard the Douchebag.”
    Drekavac sighed. “Okay, but Pongo has to wait his turn. And while you’re waiting, Pazusu, you might want to reconsider your course of action, since Valbard is the only thing between you and an angry owlbear.” He turned to Gurien. “Okay, Gurien. Your turn. What does Valbard do?”
    Gurien frowned, evidently uncertain whether he should attack his ersatz teammate or face down the rampaging owlbear. “I think,” he said at last, “it would be, um, true to Valbard’s motivizations to attack Pongo.”
    “He can’t do that!” Pazusu shrieked. “I charge Valbard with stealing my character’s motivations!”
    “That’s not a thing,” said Drekavac.
    “Well, it should be,” said Pazusu. “I also charge him with acting on information obtained out of initiative order.”
    “Also not a thing,” said Drekavac.
    “This game is stupid,” Pazusu grumbled. “All the good rules are missing.”
    “All right, Gurien,” sighed Drekavac. “Roll to see if you hit Pongo.”
    “Wait!” cried Pazusu. “I’ve had a change of heart. I want to attack the owlbear.”
    “For like the tenth time, Pazusu,” Drekavac groaned, “ it’s not your turn. ”
    “I