Maxed Out Read Online Free

asks. We’re maybe halfway back
to her place. It’s been less than ten minutes since I explained the first time.
    “Max got a promotion which involves travel. We decided a
while ago that long distance relationships don’t work. Since we’re going to be
in one, we decided to break up.”
    “We?”
    “He did. I agreed. I mean, he gave me a chance to try to
convince him otherwise. Overall it was pretty reasonable.”
    “But if you really love each other wouldn’t you be able to
make it work anyway?”
    “Not worth it,” I say. “It all falls apart in the
cost-benefit analysis. Opportunity cost or whatever. “
    She stares at me blankly.
    “You started this,” I tell her. “In college. I didn’t do any
of this nerding out over emotional crap until you introduced it to me.”
    “I don’t recall…” she says, slowly.
    “You suggested that basic impartial analysis would improve
everything. This was back when I was beginning to date David, so I assumed you
meant that I should step back and think about our relationship in less gushy
terms so I could think more clearly.”
    Renee seems surprised. “You broke up with David because of
that?”
    I nod. “It was clear that neither of us was actually getting
what we wanted out of the relationship and he wasn’t willing to do anything to
fix that, so I broke it off. Was that not what you wanted me to do?”
    “I thought he was a sleazebag, honestly, so I was happy to
see you leave him, but I didn’t think…” She trails off. “How many of your
relationships have I ruined with that little piece of wisdom?”
    “All of them,” I say. “I mean, I ended all of my
relationships after that point based on me deciding that I’d be happier
elsewhere. I don’t think that’s a bad thing –“
    “Jesus. All of them?” Renee looks shocked.
    “I don’t regret ending any of them,” I say. “Your advice
helped me reach the right conclusions.”
    “I still feel—“
    I cut her off. “I would have broken up with them all anyway,
for similar reasons. Just because I analyzed something logically doesn’t mean
that I wouldn’t have arrived at a similar conclusion emotionally. In fact, I
dodged a bullet on a few of them – Carl was cheating on me, if you recall, and
I dumped him before I even knew because I just wasn’t happy anymore. You helped
me avoid heartbreak. You didn’t cause any.”
    I’m defending Renee to herself, an hour after getting
dumped. How does she do this? It’s infuriating. At least I feel better about
the whole thing. Before I got into the car I was ready to pull a Carrie
Underwood his ride, my agreement with his reasons notwithstanding. Now my anger
has been replaced with a sort of bitter emptiness. Not that that’s any better.
    Of course, she has to ruin my momentary respite by diving
back into it.
    “Do you feel the same about Max?” she asks.
    “I will in a week,” I say, trying to keep my emotions in check.
I believe myself, mostly. It’s hard to tell yourself that your decisions are
right when they hurt so much.
    Time to change the subject. “How are things with Will?” I
ask, immediately reminding myself of my aloneness.
    “Fine,” she says. Of course things are fine. Why would
things be anything but fine? When Renee has relationship problems, this hunk
just comes out of left field and blows them to pieces with a rifle.
    Somehow, I steer the conversation and my mind off out of
this gutter long enough to finish the drive. Everything goes okay after that –
I gorge myself on leftovers and we stay up watching sitcom reruns until I’m too
exhausted to think.
    It almost works. Lying on the couch, past midnight, I can
only make out the faintest embers of depression before I finally succumb to
sleep.

5
     
    At work the next day, I’m trying to put the finishing
touches on a story about some new local band while Jeremy hovers over my
shoulder in the most frustrating way possible.
    “Wrong there,” he says.
    I glare at