driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He never sees her whole face, just her eyes, but he falls in love with her. It was strange, and even clever at times. It had a certain cadence that made it seem naturally fit for music.
I knew Victor had opened his eyes and was looking at me, but I couldn’t tear my eyes off the neatly printed words on the page—not quite yet. The song was like an intriguing riddle. It suddenly occurred to me that it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever read.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes, why?” I said in a rush.
“You look scared,” he said calmly.
I looked up, startled. “Scared?” I said with a light laugh. “Why would I be scared? It’s an incredible piece. I’m still appreciating it.”
But deep down I was scared, and I knew it. Every word of that song had plucked a string in me and the vibrations had resonated and filled all the crevices of my body. It was a beautiful but yearning feeling. Suddenly I wanted to understand Victor, to be near him, to know him better than I knew myself. My heart actually physically ached with the feeling. And I was scared because no man had made me feel like this before.
VI. Rumors
“What’s up, my loves?” Maggie sing-songed as she walked into my house. Well, “house” is a bit grand; it was actually a studio with a microscopic kitchenette that perpetually smelled like boiled potatoes. But it was my senior year and I was done with dorms and shared living situations. I had wanted my own place, so I found the cheapest, dingiest thing I could stomach and spent the last of my college fund that I’d inherited from my grandfather (bless his heart) on my rent. Despite the rusty fire escape and the potato smell, I had tried to make it home, and I thought I’d done well.
Archie and I were sprawled on the white canvas couch. I was flipping through a back issue of Vanity Fair and Archie was downloading music.
“Hi, hon,” Archie said.
“Hey, Mags,” I said. We barely looked up.
Maggie dropped her things on the ground and rummaged around the kitchenette, chatting about her day all the while. “Remember I told you Warren’s in my Gender Identity class? Well, I think I saw him hitting on some girl sitting in front of him. I know you don’t care, El, but it still totally weirds me out seeing you guys pick up on other people.”
I gave a half shrug. “I’m not his girlfriend, why would I care?”
“I know, I know,” she replied. “But still. Oh! And I heard something you might be interested in,” she said, biting into an apple.
That looks good. Do I have apples somewhere? I thought, only half-listening.
“It’s about that mysterious tattooed guy in your writing class.”
I sat up straighter, suddenly very interested. I noticed Archie perk up a little too.
“Victor? What did you hear about him?”
“My, my!” said Maggie, reveling in the attention. “Aren’t we very eager to hear about Mr. Bad Boy!”
I threw a pillow at her. “Maggie! Cut it out! What did you hear?”
“Weeellll…” She tried to drag it out, and it was only when Archie also picked up a pillow that she finally spilled.
“So, apparently this Victor guy is, like, some kind of violent maniac. He was almost expelled last year for beating some guy to a pulp. The administration only let him stay because some teacher stood up for him. But he took the whole year off and just reappeared at school again this year.”
I sat, both figuratively and literally, on the edge of my seat. “Who did he beat up?”
“I don’t know, but I heard the guy was in the hospital for a long time.”
I thought of Victor and the few encounters I’d had with him. Yes, he was big and intimidating, but he didn’t seem like a bad guy . In fact, after reading his poetry I was convinced he was sensitive and empathetic. I was struck all over again by the beautiful, yearning feelings his writing had evoked in me, and I tried to shake them off. What was needed here was