Lemons 03 Stroke of Genius Read Online Free

and one charge from a 7-11 on Stockdale Highway here in town.”
    “And no one down there could figure out that I didn’t teleport from Las Vegas to Bakersfield to buy an energy drink then teleport back to Vegas to buy some more shit?”
    “No sir.” (Gahhhh!!!) “The card was declined when your money ran out.”
    No shit!
    “Well,” I said, “the charges are still pending, right? Can you just cancel them?”
    “No, I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir. What you need to do is wait for the charges to clear then come into a branch and file a fraud complaint.”
    “Are you serious? I have to sit here and wait,” Elise walked back in holding her coffee and a sugar free Rockstar for me. I reached out and did the gimme-gimme signal with my hand. She passed it to me and I mouthed I LOVE YOU to her. She responded with I KNOW then turned and went back out to her desk.
    “Sir?” the woman on the line had noticed my sudden silence.
    I continued, “I have to sit here and wait for my money to be stolen before I can do anything about it? Just cancel the goddamn transactions!”
    “Sir, there is no need to use foul language towards me, I am only explain-‘
    “You’re explaining to me that I have ninety-six cents in my account and all my money is stolen and I’m supposed to sit back and wait for these assholes to finish the theft.”
    “That’s just the way it works. Feel free to walk into a branch once the charges clear and see what they can do for you. We are done here. Thank you for calling.”
    She hung up.
    AHHH!!!
    3.
    I slammed my phone down in exasperation then took a few deep breaths to calm myself before going out and talking with Elise. It didn’t really seem to work, so I dropped the idea all together and exited the office anyway.
    “You will not believe this, E.” I said.
    “Oh god,” she responded, “what’s wrong?”
    “Well, someone had themselves a fun-filled weekend in Las Vegas, on my dime.”
    “Oh dear.”
    “And here’s the best part! The charges are all still pending. Technically the money is still in my account but my fabulous bank just told me I have to wait for the charges to clear before I can do anything about it!”
    “What? That’s so stupid! So you have to wait and watch your money get stolen before they’ll do anything about it?”
    “Yeah! That’s exactly what I said! So stupid! I swear to god I am switching banks! Up yours, Kern Educators Credit Union! You suck!”
    “So what are you going to do? How much money do you have left?”
    “Yeah, um, I have ninety-six cents.”
    “You owe me three bucks for that Rockstar.”
    “What a jerk.”
    ***
    I tried to push my anger and aggravation aside. The fact was we had good news for a client and that always improved whatever mood I happened to be in. I called the parents of the beaten up sack-of-ass and told them we had proof of London’s access to funds and pictures of him purchasing alcohol and consuming it. The family was very pleased. They agreed to be at my office within an hour for final payment and to collect the pictures to be taken to the judge. Promptly, I assumed.
    I removed the memory card from my camera and inserted it into my printer. When the photos were ready I put them in an envelope and set them on my desk, ready for pickup. I polished off the rest of my drink then lounged back into my chair, allowing my brain to wander to a daydream of me finding the asshole that ripped me off. Apparently, in this daydream I had mad fighting skills and wore tuxedos. I heard the phone ring vaguely but I ignored it. I assumed Elise picked it up and I continued beating the living crap out of some douche in a fancy Las Vegas casino.
    After replaying the beating several times in my head, each one with the most minor of differences, Elise barged in and broke my reverie.
    “I know what will cheer you up!” she said, excitedly.
    “Twenty three thousand, nine-hundred ninety-nine dollars and four cents?”
    “Close! A new