I Still Love You Read Online Free

shouted back at my stupid bipolar brain.
    I shut up and looked at the road, not answering. I still wasn’t sure. We spent the rest of the drive into town not talking. Things were definitely a little broken between us, and I was not a person who knew how to fix stuff. Jason was the fixer. I was the breaker. So if he didn’t want to fix things—then we were broken.
    But wasn’t that what he’d been trying to say, that he wanted to stay over tonight because it would be good for us.
    But things needed to be good for us with Saint.
    The letter I’d opened yesterday rammed its way into my mind. I shoved it out again.
    I was a good mom. I was good for Saint. I was the best thing for him. I was.
    When Jason pulled into the street, where Billy and Lindy rented a place, the street was crowded with parked cars. “How many people did they invite?”
    He smiled at me “A couple of dozen I think. Oh, come on, Rach,” he said to my expression of doubt “You’ve met some of our old school friends now. You know half these people. Don’t be a coward. You were never a coward.”
    He parked up. Then turned off the engine freed his belt and looked at me. “So are we going in?”
    I laughed but it sounded a little nervous. “You do know you look stupid trying to talk all serious to me when you are made up like a Zombie. ”
    A smile parted his lips. A proper smile, that was trying to speak to me, not the shallow acknowledgement of my existence he’d been giving me a lot lately. “Rach. Let’s just go in and try to have a good time.”
    “Okay.”
    “Well sound a little like you want to have fun. Let’s go and have fun.”
    “Sorry. Yeah.” I didn’t think I really knew how to right now.
    He got out, and slammed the door, and I got out, and shut the door. I didn’t ever really get mad now, my meds were like this heavy weight on my emotions that pinned down extremes, my brain was too full of drugs to get angry, or excited…
    He was waiting for me on the sidewalk a few feet away, and when I walked toward him he opened his arms and then he hugged me. He didn’t say anything, just held me as I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him too.
    I didn’t know what to say. He was the fixer.
    “No crying,” he whispered over my head, “you’ll ruin all that awful make-up.”
    “I’m sorry, Jason.”
    “It’s okay.”
    It wasn’t. I knew it wasn’t okay. He was struggling to cope with me, and I didn’t know how to help him because I couldn’t cope with me either, and now there was more to hit us… How was he going to deal with that?
    His mom had said to me, a couple of weeks ago, when I had told her I was worried about Jason falling out of love with me, that he’d married me knowing I was sick… But he hadn’t. I hadn’t told him I had bipolar until the day after we’d got married.
    “Come on, my Zombie bride.” He gripped my hand, then lifted his free arm Zombie like. “Let’s go in like Zombies.” I knew what he was trying to do, he was trying to just push everything that had happened in the last couple of months aside.
    “I feel like a Zombie on my meds anyway.”
    He grinned at me. “You’re perfect for the part then.” He pulled me on.
    We walked up their short driveway, and up the steps onto their porch, the place was small but cute. It was one floor and four rooms, two bedrooms, a kitchen and a living room, but it had its own backyard.
    “Ready…Act Zombie,” Jason whispered.
    Billy opened the door, dressed as superman. We lifted our arms and started moaning like Zombies as we walked forward, hands raised.
    “Oh my God! There’s a Zombie invasion!”
    He backed up and let us in, and Jason was still playing Zombie, so I did too as we walked into the living room. I saw Lindy and she smiled at me, lifting her hand. She was with her old school friends.
    “You look good!”
    “Wow you two look amazing!”
    “They are awesome costumes!”
    “Who did your make-up?”
    “It’s all Rach’s