Highly Illogical Behavior Read Online Free

could wait a little longer to find out about her project. After all, it seemed like he really liked waiting on things.

FIVE
SOLOMON REED
    B y most people’s standards, Solomon was a pretty weird kid. There was the agoraphobic thing, sure, but there were other things, too. He had impossibly weird eating habits, refusing to eat anything green, without exception, and having a substantial fear of coconut. Most days, he walked around half-clothed with a persistent case of bed head and a red line across his stomach where he’d rested the edge of his laptop while he did his schoolwork or streamed movies online. And, despite being terrible at video games, he’d ask his dad to play them just so he could watch, for hours and hours.
    Oh, and he said his thoughts aloud sometimes. Not all the time, but often enough so his parents expected to round a corner and hear him saying something that made no sense to anyone else. The day after his mom met Lisa Praytor, she walked into his room at just the right time.
    â€œAntwerp,” he said, sitting at his desk and not realizing she was behind him.
    â€œWho’re you calling a twerp, twerp?” she said.
    He spun around slowly in his chair until he was facingher. His cheeks were a little red, but they’d be back to normal soon enough. He spent a
lot
of time with his parents, so there were few things left that could embarrass him.
    â€œYou know that new patient I was telling you about? The one from your school?”
    â€œLisa something?”
    â€œPraytor,” she said. “She sure was asking a lot about you.”
    â€œWell, it seems like she’s all you can talk about lately. Are you trying to say I don’t have perfect molars? Are you going to trade me in?”
    â€œI haven’t ruled it out.”
    â€œAnd she was asking a lot about me? That’s creepy, Mom.”
    â€œShe wasn’t creepy at all. A little nosy, I guess. But not creepy. It’s nice to know someone out there’s thinking about you, isn’t it?”
    Solomon didn’t really know what to say. So someone out there had been thinking about him. Great. What was he supposed to do with that—invite her over for brunch?
    â€œI guess.”
    â€œIt wouldn’t hurt you to have a friend or two, you know?”
    â€œWe’re not friends? You’re saying we’re not friends?” he joked, raising his voice and using a mobster accent.
    â€œI’m saying your only friends shouldn’t be middle aged and they certainly shouldn’t be your parents.”
    â€œI don’t see anything wrong with it,” he said.
    â€œOh my God.” She grabbed both sides of his face. “You’re as hopeless as your dad.”
    Valerie Reed lived with older and younger versions of the same man—a minimalist introvert who never talked about his feelings and obsessed over ridiculous things. She managed to make it through their weekly viewings of old science fiction films and the in-depth conversations that would always follow. But she
did
like to joke that watching movies with them was “like pulling teeth.” Get it? Of course you do.
    â€œYou know, you could probably reconnect with some of your old school friends online,” she continued.
    â€œWhy would I want to do that, Mom?”
    â€œFor fun. I don’t know.”
    â€œI have plenty of fun,” he said.
    â€œFine,” she raised one hand into the air and walked away. “I’ve got to go pay bills.”
    Solomon wondered if he’d ever have his own bills to pay. He didn’t plan on leaving the house again. Ever. But even at sixteen he was starting to feel guilty for always being there—and for planning to always be there. His parents weren’t the type to sit around growing old. He knew they’d want to travel or maybe even move somewhere else after retirement. On some days, especially when his mom would hint at him getting better in even a