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these things didn’t happen, and any remaining doubts he may have had that she was a basket case had vanished.
    All Ruby wanted to do was get the hell out of DB’s consulting room. The moment he left her alone behind the curtain, she grabbed her underwear and skirt. She had them on in seconds. Her tights were going to be too much of a fiddle so she rammed them into her bag. In less than a minute she was striding out toward the door.
    “Er, Miss Silverman, before you go,” DB called to her from behind his desk, forcing her to turn round and offer him a smile. “I just want to let you know that everything seems fine. You should get the results of your Pap test in the next few days, but your cervix looks perfectly healthy and I don’t anticipate any problems.” He stood up and extended his hand toward her. “So, we’ll see you again in a year.”
    Barely able to look him in the eye, Ruby took his hand. “Absolutely,” she said, forcing her face onto full beam. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
    As she closed the door, she found herself glancing at the name plate. Of course, she remembered now. That was who he was: Dr. Steven Babbington-Gore.
     
    D ECIDING SHE WAS in desperate need of some water and a sit-down, Ruby made a beeline for the drink machine in the hospital foyer. As she started rooting in her purse for the right change, her mobile rang. Grappling with her bag, purse and phone, she dropped a handful of coins onto the floor. Somehow, she managed to press “connect.”
    “Hi, it’s me.” It was her best friend, Fiona. “I just wanted to say thank you again for the pirate outfit. Ben absolutely adores it. Last night after you’d gone he refused to take it off. He even insisted on going to bed in it.”
    Ben was Fi’s oldest son. Her second, Connor, was a month old. Yesterday had been Ben’s third birthday. Ruby knew that his grandparents were buying him the Playmobil pirate ship and she thought he might like a pirate outfit to go with it.
    “I feel so guilty,” Fi went on, “because it’s already filthy.”
    “He’s a little boy,” Ruby said from the floor, where she was on her knees gathering up coins. “It’s bound to get filthy.”
    “Rubes, you sound a bit tense. You all right?”
    Ruby shuffled across the floor in order to gather up a couple of pound coins. “As all right as I can be, having just experienced the most humiliating twenty minutes of my entire life.”
    “Blimey, what happened?”
    “OK—you know I had an appointment this morning for my annual gyne checkup…”
    Fi gasped. “Omigod, your gynecologist made a pass at you.”
    “No.”
    “Oh, yeah, I remember—your gynecologist is a woman.” She paused. “Bloody hell.
She
made a pass at you!”
    “No, it’s nothing like that—but as it happens, Dr. Anderson was away and I did end up seeing a man. Anyway…”
    “Oops, hang on a tick, Ben says he needs to do a wee…That’s it, darling, off you go and fetch your potty…OK, so go on. I’m all ears.”
    “Right, so there I am with my legs in stirrups when…”
    “No, sausage, when you sit on the potty, you have to tuck your willy in, or the pee will go everywhere. Here, let me show you. Soppy Grandma bought you a girl’s potty without a guard at the front, didn’t she? Hang on a sec, Rubes, I have to go and rearrange my son’s penis.”
    By now Ruby was on her feet and brushing floor dust from her skirt.
    “Sorry about that.” Fi came back, slightly breathless.
    “Since Connor arrived, Ben’s completely regressed. He’s back in nappies at night and I’ve had to start potty training him all over again. Found a turd under the kitchen table this morning.”
    “Wow! Lucky old you.” Ruby laughed.
    “The visiting nurse says it’s because he’s feeling jealous. Apparently it’s quite normal for children to go on a dirty protest after a new sibling arrives. It’s wearing me out, though, because I’m having to watch him all the time to check he doesn’t pop a