Forgetting August (Lost & Found) Read Online Free Page A

anything at all, Everly. He’s awake; that doesn’t have to mean anything to you.”
    I knew he meant well, but he didn’t understand. He’d never understand.
    “I can’t exist in a world where he does, Ryan,” I whispered, as the walls began to close in around me. Panic settled in my bones, had me pulling my knees close to my chest, rocking back and forth in Ryan’s strong arms. The tears continued to fall as I felt myself growing weaker, knowing August was mere miles away, growing stronger by the minute.
    How long until he came for me? How long until he found me and ruined the little life I’d created? What happened then?
    “Yes, you can,” Ryan vowed, turning me in his arms as he pulled me from the darkness and growing fear in my head. “This changes nothing.”
    I shook my head, not so easily convinced. The only reason I’d carried on in his absence was because I’d convinced myself he was gone. For good.
    Denial really was a cold-hearted bitch.
    “What happened…after…I mean—did you talk to the doctor more?”
    I felt him nod. “I hung up to take care of you, but after I got you in bed, I did call him back.”
    “What did he say?” I asked, my breath barely audible as I waited for his response.
    He pulled back, our eyes locking as he smoothed away the crimson hair from around my face. Warmth and tenderness met me as he spoke. “He wants to see you.”
    Fear flooded my system and I immediately tried to retract from his hold, needing space as the room once again began to shrink around me.
    Flee. Must flee.
    “I can’t,” I managed to choke out as I got up and paced the room. “I won’t.”
    “No one is making you, Ev. I already told Dr. Lawrence no.”
    My body tensed at his admission. I came to an abrupt standstill in the middle of the living room. “You had no right to do that!” I shouted, my hands flailing as anger coursed through my veins. Ryan looked at me as if I’d lost it, and maybe I had.
    “What are you even saying?” Ryan yelled back at me. “Do you see yourself right now? How can you say that when you just know I’m right? You couldn’t in a million years visit that guy. He’s a monster!”
    “It’s my decision, Ryan!” I spat. “I’ve already spent enough of my life with someone who felt the need to make decisions for me without consultation. I won’t do it again.”
    His hands made a worried run through his hair. “I was just trying to protect you.”
    Deep down I knew he was, but part of me—the profoundly damaged part that grimaced every time he uttered words like “mine” or jokingly said “don’t ever do that again”—hated being protected. I loved the safety I felt nestled in his arms, but it was it was another man’s love and overwhelming need to protect that had gotten me into the mess I was in now.
    “I need some air,” I said finally, walking hastily toward the front door of our apartment.
    “Please don’t leave angry with me, Everly,” he begged.
    “I’m not angry—I just need some time.”
    “Okay,” he answered, the sound of rejection and defeat clear in his voice. He’d learned not to argue when I uttered this phrase. Needing air was my way of pressing pause, or asking for a time out. Sometimes I just needed to get away and I tried not to think too critically about what that meant.
    I don’t know how long I wandered around the city. Everything passed by in a blur until I found myself in that familiar spot by the bridge. It was nearly spring, and the bluff was blooming with wildflowers. As the rest of San Francisco went on with their busy lives, new life was blossoming right here on this hillside.
    From here, things seemed much simpler.
    The Golden Gate Bridge rose high into the heavens, its red pillars a stark contrast to the grayish blue sky. As I found a seat among the tiny yellow buds, I reached out my hand. The bridge felt so close, its enormity giving it an almost unworldly appearance to the world below. But my fingers only