Devine Intervention Read Online Free Page A

them back and forth, and the rest had pulled their robes up real high so they wouldn’t trip on the bottoms while they were playing leapfrog. You don’t normally see that much leg from old people, so it was hard not to gawk a little. Also, I wasn’t totally sure it was happening outside my imagination, especially on account of the sky was so blue it looked like the stuff Mr. Moder used to clean toilets.
    â€œWhat’s up with them?” I said, once I found my voice. “Are they on something?”
    â€œThey are frolicking,” said the bald one with the dark skin and shiny head. “Would you care to join them someday?”
    He stood and walked behind my chair and put his hands on my shoulders and made like he was enjoyingthe view. A little breeze from his robe brushed against the back of my neck and I shuddered. My dad called that a rabbit running over your grave.
    The angels introduced themselves. The one with the lip broom was Gabe. The chrome dome was Xavier.
    Gabe started in on me. “There is hope for frolicking, Jerome. There is hope for you . But only if you want it. You must believe, and you must show determination to make it happen. So we ask again, do you want to be saved?”
    If it meant I had to frolic, then the answer was no. But I knew it wasn’t the one they wanted to hear, so I dodged the question and sort of went, “Derrrrr. Nice posters,” and then I wiped a little slobber off my chin.
    The choir music got real loud then, and let me tell you, “Highway to Hell” isn’t anywhere near as good without the guitar.
    Xavier said, “It is possible his mind is not fully recomposed, Gabe.”
    â€œI think this could be as good as it gets,” Gabe said.
    They looked at each other and shrugged, and let the air be empty except for the singers. Then Xavier did a little wave with his hand, which turned down the music. He made his voice go all trumpety and announced, “Jerome, thou shalt be a guardian angel in training, and thus shalt thou redeem thyself for thine earthly misdeeds.”
    I sat up straighter and was all, You are shitting me , which is when I found out about the swearing sensors in my skull. If you say that word, or pretty much any of the other swears normal people use all the time, you get abrain shock so bad you could cook bacon on your forehead. Every once in a while I forget, but mostly nowadays I use words like Chevy instead. And flask , motherflasker , apple , jack apple , and apple hole . Among other things.
    After my head stopped sizzling, Gabe touched his fingertips together, church-and-steeple style.
    â€œDo you know why you’re here?”
    I shook my head. That was a huge mistake on account of the arrow, which was still stuck halfway between my eyebrows and hairline.
    â€œThroughout your life, Jerome, you have made a series of errors. Mostly forgivable things. But when taken in their entirety, especially in light of the unfortunate incident with the cat —”
    He stopped, either to take a breath or to watch me turn all white and come close to passing out, which is always what happened when I thought about what I’d done that day.
    He made the sign of the cross, cleared his throat, and started again. “You are at a crossroads.” I figured he didn’t mean that literally, on account of we were still in an office.
    I nodded gently, so as to not disturb the arrow.
    Xavier cut in. “Thou shalt complete our program, or thou shalt descend into the fiery depths of Hell.”
    Gabe unsteepled his fingers and did this whammy thing with them and showed me, on a big, floating screen, what Hell actually looks like. There are nine rings of punishment stacked on top of each other like used tires. They’re Death Star huge, though. Depending on the kind of bad you are, you get sent to one of the tires. For example,there’s Level I: Everlasting Standardized Testing for the Ungrateful, and Level II: